Scene: I walk into the classroom to pick up The Dormouse from Class Day. Kids are inexplicably all coloring with only red colored crayons. I come through the door just in time to hear The Dormouse yell, "No! Stop that!" and smack another kid for coloring on her paper.

I say something like, "Are you being nice? Could you ask him politely to not color on your paper?" and she does.

The afternoon Teacher sidles up to me and says, "Um... could I tell you something? I wanna say something to you." and pulls me over to the corner, all conspiratorial-like.

"Crap," says the voice inside my head as that called-into-the-principal's-office feeling wells up inside and I conjure up at least a dozen things that have happened:

  • She has finally put another kid in the hospital.
  • My tuition check has bounced.
  • People at the school are as sick of The Little Mermaid songs as we are and are wondering if I do anything with her at home but watch that movie.
  • She's finally taught the other kids one of her inappropriate songs and the other parents are demanding that we be kicked out of the preschool.
  • One of the teachers has discovered my weblog and takes issue with my comments.
  • Someone from Child Protective Services has discovered my weblog and an investigation into my parenting abilities will be opened.
  • They don't like Mormons around these parts and are suggesting that we go elsewhere... like maybe Salt Lake.
  • They know about that red light camera ticket that KingofHearts got the other day.
  • She's repeated one curse word too many and if we don't clean up her language, we'll be asked to put a dollar in the swear jar.
  • She decided to demonstrate to the class Daddy's new hobby: throwing knives.
  • She's been telling the kids that she learned about the Holy Ghost in church, "Wooo-oooo. Boooooo!"
  • She grabbed a teacher's breasts and said, "Nice pumpkins!"

I snap back into reality as the Teacher puts a red crayon away and whispers, "I really think she's bored in this classroom and needs to move up to the three year old class. She's so much more advanced than the other kids here... you should talk to the director about it."

Oh... is THAT all?