This one, she learned at preschool:

If I Had a Box

If I had a box,

A big, blue box,
I'd put [insert name of your choice here] in it.
Take him out,
Smooch, smooch, smooch [i.e., make kissing noises]
And put him back again.

Repeat over and over again until you've applied a verse to everyone in the room (or everyone you ever knew or met, if you're my daughter).

Great... because let's teach our children the concept of kidnapping and bondage for sexual gratification before they're jaded by first grade, shall we?

By the way, did you imagine the box to look like this:

this: this:

or this?
Cause I'm seeing the last one in my minds eye.