A few months ago, I got a voice mail on my phone from someone I do not know who slurred something like this into the receiver: "Hey Jim, it's Ron... dude, sorry we missed you last night, we tried to call you but you must have already left. We got totally wasted, dude! You gotta come next time. Oh and very funny putting your mom on the voice mail, hahahaha."

*blink*

OK, not to get all crazy and stuff but... I sound like someone's MOM?

Just to prove that I'm not an old woman with no sense of humor, I changed my outgoing voice mail message. "Hi, it's NG's phone. Yep NG's, not Jim's mother. Really dude."

A couple of days later this message shows up: "Jim. Hahaha, still with the mom on your voice mail. You're too funny. So's your mom. Meet us at blah blah bar tonight at 9:00. We'll score us some hot chicks."

Seriously, he said "some hot chicks". I know I've been married a long time, but does anyone say that anymore?

I leave another outgoing message saying "You're probably wondering why Jim didn't meet you the other night. It's because you HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER and THIS IS NOT HIS PHONE. Leave a message for NG after the tone..."

He ignores me on this one too and leaves at least a half a dozen subsequent voice mails, each making mention of how funny Jim's mom is. Ron does not get the hint when Jim never calls him back nor meets him at any of the appointed places.

I finally change my outgoing message to say this: "This is NG's phone. If you're trying to reach Jim, you've got the wrong number. You should try the phone book."

Suddenly, the voice mails stop. I feel I've done my job and Jim has gotten the point.

Until about six weeks later when I get this voice mail message: "Jiiiiiim... duuuuude it's been so long. I'm sorry I haven't called in awhile. Heh, heh, heh, I kind of... got really wasted and walked through a plate glass window and cut up my arm really bad so I've been on pretty heavy pain killers ever since. Just wanted to tell you I'm still alive and we should totally go out sometime... call me."

Finally, my patience has worn thin. I record this outgoing message: "Hi... this is NG's phone. I say that because... it's NG's phone. If you want to leave a message for NG, please do so after the tone. If you're trying to leave a message for Jim, you have the wrong number. If you're the idiot who put his arm through a plate glass window, you really need to learn to listen and lay off the booze."

That was the last time I heard from Ron.

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