Alice's Adventures Underground: Wild WV

Showing posts with label Wild WV. Show all posts

Scenic Scene

Posted on 12/19/2011 08:29:00 AM - by NG In: Wild WV

We drive past this tree five or six times a year and I have never passed it without thinking of The Shawshank Redemption.

Andy: Red. If you ever get out of here, do me a favor.

Red: Sure, Andy. Anything.

Andy: There's a big hayfield up near Buxton. You know where Buxton is?

Red: Well, there's... there's a lot of hayfields up there.

Andy: One in particular. It's got a long rock wall with a big oak tree at the north end. It's like something out of a Robert Frost poem. It's where I asked my wife to marry me. We went there for a picnic and made love under that oak and I asked and she said yes. Promise me, Red. If you ever get out... find that spot. At the base of that wall, you'll find a rock that has no earthly business in a Maine hayfield. Piece of black, volcanic glass. There's something buried under it I want you to have.

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How to Pick Out a Christmas Tree

Posted on 12/17/2011 07:20:00 PM - by NG In: Wild WV

In sixteen easy steps.

Step 1. Drive to another state. Because clearly, there are no acceptable trees in the state in which you live. Why bother looking?

Step 2. Walk around in forest for approximately an hour, scrutinizing each and every available tree.

Step 3. Stop in thicket to allow children to pee on the ground because after each of the nine times you asked them if they needed to go to the bathroom when you were near civilization, they said, "No."

Step 4. Walk around some more.

Step 5. Lament the fact that the farm owners haven't tended to the Christmas tree section much this year and it is very overgrown.

Step 6. Remember that you are only paying $25 for any tree you pick and continue looking.

Step 7. Lament the fact that you don't have cathedral ceilings in your house.

Step 8. Consider buying a tree and leaving it at a friend's house because she has space.

Step 9. Settle on a tree. It's too big, but at least you don't need a flatbed trailer to get it home.

Step 10. Pose in front of tree before it's been slaughtered.

Step 11. Leave the tree-cutting-down duties to husband, who really, really enjoys lying on the ground. Watch him cut....

and cut...

and curse...

and cut.

Step 12. Lose interest in tree and instead focus on how you're gonna get this nest you found back to the birds.

Step 13. Six years later, when tree finally comes down, yell "Tiiiiiimbeeeerrrr!" Admire stump.

Step 14. Drag tree back to cart, which you've left a half mile away.

Step 15. Bag tree for travel. Bring a friend to help.

Step 16. Bring home and decorate. Enjoy.

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Minutiae

Posted on 10/04/2010 06:42:00 PM - by NG In: minutiae, Wild WV

I'm still buried up to my neck in work work work and pretty much generally hating life. I've always been a good multi-tasker, but either I'm getting old, have way too many things to do, or this project has fried too many of my brain cells because I can't seem to think a coherent thought through to its conclusion even when all reasonable logic dictates it should be possible. The truth is it's not really worth focusing too much energy on because most of my conversations and interactions end up interrupted by family, coworkers or the next conference call. I can't help but think that if I just had fifteen minutes uninterrupted time, I could accomplish a veritable plethora of good. Maybe this is why President Obama hasn't achieved all he intended to do in the first two years of his presidency. Looking to finally achieve peace in the Middle East? All you have to do is... woops, there's another conference call, gotta go. Here's a smattering of thoughts to tide you over until I feel I can wax poetic again (assuming I ever did).