Most Ridiculous Comments Overheard and/or
Inappropriate Requests from Conference Attendees So Far:

In the I Look But Fail to Read Category:

"Where is the Benji Madden room?"
Me: "You mean the Benny Moten room?"
"No, the Benji Madden room."
Me: "Perhaps in another hotel, but in this hotel, it's the Benny Moten room."

(same person) "I need to get to the Tan Tan restaurant."
Me: "You mean the Pam Pam restaurant?"
"No - it's the Tan Tan restaurant."
Me: "Just look for the sign that says Tan Tan." (there isn't one because it's 'Pam Pam')

In the Hoof in Mouth Disease Category:

Attendee to Crusty Convention Services Woman: "I'd like these two books..." (CCSW begins to write out a receipt) "...and make sure you add it right!"
CCSW: "Well, honey, if you don't think I can add $40 and $40, you can take this to another person."

Colleague to other colleague in front of one of our Association's Past Presidents: "What's going on with your hair? It looks awful!!!"

Person 1: "You need to talk to Jim over there (points to three people, one of whom is 6' 7"). He's the one in... he's the... uh.... er..."
Person 2: "You can say 'big guy', that's not a racist statement."

Person 1: "Wow what's that perfume you're wearing?"
Person 2: "Oh, I made it myself, it's patchouli and jasmine."
Person 1: "I don't like it."

Attendee asks when exhibit hall opens while standing in front of 12 foot sign that has exhibit hall hours on it. Stressed-out and over-agitated colleague says, "It's printed on the sign, right there. That sign. Read the sign. It's all on the sign. Sign. Sign. Read the sign."
Other colleague and I just stare at her as attendee walks away. Then she looks at us and says, "You think I might have been a little short with him?"
Us: "Nah."

In the WHAAAA? Category:

Person 1: "Well, he wants to be on the committee, but he doesn't want to come to the committee meetings or answer emails and phone calls about committee business; he says he's too busy for that. Is there a role he can play?"
Me: "You mean like.... Committee Mascot?!?"
Person 2: "I think the answer you're looking for is 'no'."

Colleague: "How do you like living in the Nashville area?"
Person 1: "I don't live in Nashville, I live in Louisville!"
Colleague: "Oh sorry, I thought they were close. I guess you don't get over to the Nashville music scene then?"
Person 1: "Of course I do, it's only 30 miles away!"

Volunteers so anal retentive that they folded and organized my bubble wrap sheets by size, then placed them in ziplock baggies after helping to open boxes.

Person 1: "I want to make sure conference attendees will get a receipt because one time I was at conference and they refused to give me a receipt."
Me: "That's not our policy... when did this happen? Whom did you talk to?"
Person 1: "Well it wasn't at this conference."

In the Heard Over the Walkie Talkie I Have to Wear on My Hip all Around the Hotel Category:

A colleague, just after being told a session would have to be moved to a different room: "WELL WHO'S STUPID IDEA WAS THAT??!!?" This, while I'm talking to a committee chair.

Voice 1: "Can I come over there and borrow a stapler from you for a few minutes? I promise I'll bring it back."
Voice 2: "OK, but I'm gonna want one of your children if you don't."
Voice 1: "Heh heh heh, which one do you want?"
Voice 3: "Take the taaaaall one."

In the 'You're Doing a Great Job But...' Category

Person 1: "You're doing a great job but I hate not having my credentials on my badge - someone thought one of my friends was a STUDENT!!"
Me: "Really? Because if someone thought I was a student, I'd be flattered."
Friend to person 1: "I see no one thought YOU were a student."

Person 1: "You're doing a great job but I hate the name badges. The font is miniscule!"
Me: "Actually the font size is 58 point. Every year I find the person with the longest name in the attendee list and then I take that person's name and make it as big as it will possibly get and still fit on the badge. Then everyone's name is that size. So if you want bigger names on your badges, go around and find the people with really long names and get them to shorten them."

Person 1: "You're doing a great job but I hate the shiny pages on this book - they just look so bad."
Me: "It's called a varnish and it costs about $800 more to do that. The printer who printed the program for free threw that in to make it look more professional."

In the Who the Hell Are You? Category:

Me: "Hey X, can you sign my copy of your new book for me? I think it's fun to get the signatures of my authors."
X: "Sure, what's your name?"
Me: "Oh sorry, I'm NG, I guess I know your face from the book cover, but you probably just know my voice."
X: "And where do you work, NG?"
Me: "Uh, in the office... you know... I designed the cover of your book and edited the content."
X: *blank stare*
(We exchanged more than 300 emails and phone calls about this project in the months leading up to the conference.)

Presenter: "My nametag is wrong. The office SCREWED UP... again!"
Me: "Well, tell me what's wrong? Because I'm the one who 'SCREWED UP'."
Presenter: "Oh I moved I don't live in this city anymore."
Me: "Did you write the office to tell us you moved?"
Presenter: "No."

In the World Revolves Around Me Category:

"I need to know whether breakfast tomorrow is at 7:30 or 8:00 because if it's at 8:00, well that will be VERY inconvenient for me. Please look it up now." This said to a colleague after she'd cornered us in the restaurant while we were off duty and trying to eat lunch. She couldn't even wait for my colleague to finish chewing food before demanding an answer.