I don't particularly like New Year's Resolutions. Personally I think that if you're going to make a life change and you can't decide to do it here and now, you're just not committed enough.

When Monica and I worked together way back when we were both twelve years old, and people would ask what our New Year's Resolutions were, Monica would generally say, "I'm going to give up having sex only for money."

And I'd chime in with, "...and I'm going to start having sex only for money."

Come on, admit it, you wanted to work with us.

Over the years, I've always liked to have resolutions that are fairly easy so that when people ask if I completed all my New Year's resolutions, I can say with pride and conviction, a resounding, "YES." This year, in 2010, I'm going to:

  1. stop eating fiberglass insulation
  2. begin volunteering my time with neglected children... namely the two that live in my house
  3. stop sending emails and texts to my husband - instead I will yell to the next room
  4. wear my underwear underneath my pants
  5. not always use the same old excuses for taking leave at work. I will think of some new excuses
  6. stop sitting in my living room all day in pajamas. Instead, I will move my computer and the TV into the kitchen.
  7. spend one hour less time each day on the internet
  8. stop watching the clock
  9. teach The Dormouse that it's "all the single ladies" and not "alla singulay"
  10. get The Dormouse to stop singing that song or at least to sing it like this chick
  11. not grow a handle bar mustache
  12. get jiggy with it
  13. tell Tiger's wife the truth about us

I've got my list all wrapped up, but if you're having trouble with yours, check this website out and then let me know in the comments: what are your easiest resolutions for 2010?


*title stolen from Chris Cactus, because it's funnier than every one of my ideas.