I honestly do not know what happened to our Christmas cards in 2000. Maybe we were too busy preparing for Y2K (wait that would have been the previous year... scratch that), maybe I sent something and lost it, maybe I went on a three day bender and spent all my Christmas card money on cigars and wild women. Who knows? (Actually I do know. It was a rough year. Enough said.)

The next card I can find is from 2001. I think this might have been one of the years we were dealing with a lawsuit at work. Whatever the motivation, it's clear that I was a) concerned about the ramifications of poorly chosen wording and b) too lazy even to steal paper from work because I made this whole thing in Publisher and just printed it on white copy paper.

The text reads:

From us ("the wishor") to you (hereinafter referred to as the "wishee"):

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all... and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2002, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "America" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual or dietary preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:
  • This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal.
  • This greeting is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting and that the property rights of the wishor are acknowledged.
  • This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others.
  • This greeting is void where prohibited by law, and may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restriction herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions. It is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor.
  • This wish is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.
  • Warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor.
  • Any references in this greeting to "the Lord", "Father Christmas", "Our Savior", or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any references third party names and images are hereby acknowledged.

Merry Christmas.