Surprisingly, this one was much harder to compile than the first.
- people who are too busy talking on mobile phones to pay attention to the fact that they're driving
- the sound of squeaky Styrofoam
- the lottery
- clowns
- standing in the shower, waiting for the conditioner to work
- when the muscles in my eyelids twitch and it looks like I'm winking at people when really I'm just overstressed - what? that doesn't happen to you? KayforgetIsaidit.
- pretense
- people who drive down the road with their blinker on
- people who refuse to use their blinker
- constant noise
- Wal-Mart
- that itchy skin feeling you always get in the wintertime
- waiting for my computer to boot up
- shoes
- The Phone
- hidden agendas
- people who reply to my emails with only "thank you"
- putting away clothes (don't mind the washing so much, but hey, that's the easy part)
- when people promise something that they have no intention of following through on - why not just say no?
- Barney
- being late
- Facebook apps
- the fact that I have about ten reusable grocery bags in my car but I only remember them after I'm already in the checkout line and ready to pay
- watching t.v. with commercials
- people I don't know who call me "sweetie" or use other terms of endearment
- crocs
- packing
- when the shower curtain touches me
- people driving on my roads
- hypocrisy
- being out of milk
- groups of people who walk slow at the mall but gang up together so you can't get past them
- shows that end "to be continued"
- the news media
- SUVs (a real man knows a station wagon when he sees one)
- raisins
- lolCats
- my messy desk
- stop signs on every single intersection in my neighborhood
- U-turns
- the smell of tuna fish
- Christmas music/decorations before Thanksgiving
- Glenn Beck/Rush Limbaugh (they don't merit their own lines)
- logos and station identification in the bottom of the t.v. screen that get bigger and bigger each year
- NASCAR
- when I'm sitting in a chair and I lose something I was holding in my hand just a minute ago even though I haven't gotten up out of my chair
- TMZ
- people who get in between me and my kids in a crowd
- broken book bindings
- political campaign ads
- putting on makeup
- burnt toast
- how Elmo talks about himself in the third person
- the corner of the cedar chest that is always trying to remove my pinky toe
- grape flavored candy or drinks
- Anne Geddes photographs
- when people try to tickle me
- the word "moist"
- the smell of rotting mango
- singing the "Happy Birthday" song too slow
- headlights that don't turn off when you cut the ignition
- mondongo
- the fact that I still can't put any non-food items in my mouth without the gag reflex kicking in -- two years after The Caterpillar was born
- sitting on the toilet late at night, only to find out that the seat was up
- not being able to walk through a room without stepping on, over or tripping on some crap someone left on the floor
- when my clothes get all ball-y
- live in concert recordings
- spending all day cleaning the house and having my family wreck it five minutes after they come in the door
- inaccessible outlet sockets
- dealing with health insurance companies
- when the toilet gets clogged
- Survivor
- dictionaries that define a word using that same word in the definition
- crowds
- shaving my legs
- leeches
- fantasy fiction
- iceburg lettuce, "the polyester of greens"
- mispronouncing the word "nuclear"
- trying to get two little girls dressed and out the door in the morning
- sassy children
- when I get a thorn in the bottom of my foot
- that ASPCA commercial that makes my daughter cry every time it comes on t.v.
- Matthew McConaughey (who just barely beat out Woody Harrelson for this spot)
- movies where the leading man puts on a dress and plays multiple parts
- dogs that bark and wake up my two year old from her nap
- squeaky beds
- pop up ads even when I have the pop up ad blocker on
- gum that sticks to your teeth
- air quotes
- strangers who don't respect personal space
- anime
- paying $3 to get my $40 out of an ATM
- spam offering to enlarge my penis
- having to do something twice
- needing a password for every website I go to, but being given different parameters on each one so I can't use the same password
- tripping
- too crispy bacon
- when people say "flustrated"
- making lists of things I hate
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December 7, 2009 at 9:38 AM
Try Vitamin B supplements for the twitchy eye.
I really hope the post partum gag reflex eventually goes away. My youngest is 5 and counting....
December 8, 2009 at 7:14 AM
That was so fun to read! I'd say I high-fived you on about 3/4 of them. Took the words out of my mouth.