Can't let a Friday the Thirteenth go by without an issue of 13 Things...
Thirteen Things I Enjoyed Doing Before I Had Kids
Thirteen Things I Enjoyed Doing Before I Had Kids
- Putting food in my mouth without anyone demanding I take it out and give it to them
- Picking up the living room and having it stay that way for twelve hours (oh, wait, that hasn't happened since I got married)
- Sitting down for a period greater than than five minutes
- Cleaning up my own bodily fluids... and only my own
- Hearing out of my left ear - if I wasn't already seriously close to being deaf in that ear, my children would have made me that way by now
- Going to the store and Taking. My. Time. Not hurrying to get it all done before one of them knocks each and every thing off the shelves and the other gets lead poisoning or a bacterial infection from chewing on the antiquated cart that's been sitting out in the rain for months ...maybe even making a couple of unscheduled stops along the way
- Going to the bathroom without planning the event first. (Must give child something to do while in the bathroom, must wait until children are relatively calm before exiting room, must wait until children are looking other way to exit room unnoticed, must prepare to lock the bathroom door quickly lest child enters and occupies self with pulling the bathroom shelf down on head, must leave activities appropriate for the period of time I'll be in the bathroom within arm's reach of child but be careful not to announce that said activities are there lest children get wise and reject them out of hand, must prepare leg to kick back door for when one of them bursts through inferior lock on door and enters bathroom anyway... etc.)
- Watching a television show without either putting the closed captions on or constantly rewinding to hear the line of dialogue that guy just said that someone just talked over
- Going outside without a coat on because I know that I'll just be out for a minute
- Getting in the car, starting the car and driving off in under ten minutes
- Having a meal in a restaurant and leaving without kneeling down on the floor at the end of the table to pick up all the stuff my kids have dropped or thrown on the ground
- Staying up late at night because I know I won't have to possibly wake up at 2:00, 3:00 or 4:00 am and can sleep until *gasp* six
- Stopping to run in and mail a letter or something that takes equally little time without feeling like I'm going to be arrested if I don't schlep both my kids out of the car and into the place only to immediately turn around and schlep them back to the car
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March 13, 2009 at 9:11 AM
You would have been so bored! :) Funny post.
March 13, 2009 at 11:01 AM
I love the closed-captioning. Lets me watch all manners of things without getting frustrated because I can't actually hear over the kids. Also, the kids don't pay attention to what's on tv when it has no sound so I can get away with things that maybe aren't so kid-friendly.
March 13, 2009 at 11:22 AM
You probably had to do 11 before you had kids, at least if you were eating out with me.
March 13, 2009 at 2:51 PM
Thanks for the laugh. My favorite is the first, because I really hate that. It's just not right. I also miss being able to shower without someone screaming for me and pounding on the door.
March 13, 2009 at 4:48 PM
Better to have all that than not have the kids at all...at least that's what I tell myself about Rhea's screaming - better a screaming baby than no baby at all.
March 13, 2009 at 4:49 PM
14. Eating a piece of candy without sneaking it, or having to explain that candy isn't bad for adults, only for little kids.
March 13, 2009 at 7:58 PM
@Lucy: True, I would have been bored... and who would pick things up for me when I dropped them on the floor? So I guess they're worth it.
@Jennifer: Who'd have thought at Gallaudet college back in 1972 when they were watching the first closed captioning on The Mod Squad that eventually the service would be used by more mothers of young children than deaf people?
@MB: Perhaps, but before kids, I wouldn't have felt responsible to pick it all up. Damn that being a good example.
@Beth: Ooo, you hit the nail. I miss taking as long a shower as I want too... without wondering what they're destroying while I'm in there.
@paws: Yes, I know all too well what it's like with no baby at all. This is just all in good fun.
@Scott: YES!!! And let's not forget eating cookies for breakfast and trying to explain why that's okay for anyone over four feet tall, but not under. (They don't believe me that it's a county ordinance.)
March 14, 2009 at 4:51 AM
Normally I feel bad about not having kids, but this makes me feel way better! :)
March 14, 2009 at 9:04 AM
Those years are over for me but I certainly remember all that and more. How about being able to make a phonecall and not having all small children in the neighborhood vying for your attention. Then when you finally hang up in frustration all the kids just go off and play.
March 14, 2009 at 8:15 PM
@Brain: Glad to help. I consider myself a cautionary tale to anyone considering having children and am always glad to loan mine out if just sitting next to us in a restaurant isn't good enough. Usually, however, that's all that's necessary.
@Jan: You are all reminding me of so many things that didn't make the list but should have. What is it about that anyway? You hang up the phone and suddenly they're quiet as church mice!