Can't let a Friday the Thirteenth go by without an issue of 13 Things...

Thirteen Things I Enjoyed Doing Before I Had Kids

  1. Putting food in my mouth without anyone demanding I take it out and give it to them
  2. Picking up the living room and having it stay that way for twelve hours (oh, wait, that hasn't happened since I got married)
  3. Sitting down for a period greater than than five minutes
  4. Cleaning up my own bodily fluids... and only my own
  5. Hearing out of my left ear - if I wasn't already seriously close to being deaf in that ear, my children would have made me that way by now
  6. Going to the store and Taking. My. Time. Not hurrying to get it all done before one of them knocks each and every thing off the shelves and the other gets lead poisoning or a bacterial infection from chewing on the antiquated cart that's been sitting out in the rain for months ...maybe even making a couple of unscheduled stops along the way
  7. Going to the bathroom without planning the event first. (Must give child something to do while in the bathroom, must wait until children are relatively calm before exiting room, must wait until children are looking other way to exit room unnoticed, must prepare to lock the bathroom door quickly lest child enters and occupies self with pulling the bathroom shelf down on head, must leave activities appropriate for the period of time I'll be in the bathroom within arm's reach of child but be careful not to announce that said activities are there lest children get wise and reject them out of hand, must prepare leg to kick back door for when one of them bursts through inferior lock on door and enters bathroom anyway... etc.)
  8. Watching a television show without either putting the closed captions on or constantly rewinding to hear the line of dialogue that guy just said that someone just talked over
  9. Going outside without a coat on because I know that I'll just be out for a minute
  10. Getting in the car, starting the car and driving off in under ten minutes
  11. Having a meal in a restaurant and leaving without kneeling down on the floor at the end of the table to pick up all the stuff my kids have dropped or thrown on the ground
  12. Staying up late at night because I know I won't have to possibly wake up at 2:00, 3:00 or 4:00 am and can sleep until *gasp* six
  13. Stopping to run in and mail a letter or something that takes equally little time without feeling like I'm going to be arrested if I don't schlep both my kids out of the car and into the place only to immediately turn around and schlep them back to the car