What I do know is these things I learned this week:

  • When you go to work at 10 am on a holiday, your usual 45 minute commute will be cut to 6 minutes.
  • Going to work at 10 am on a holiday when no one else is in the office to bug you and the phones aren't ringing, means that you will get four times as much done as you will when you go to work at 7:00 am any other day.
  • If you're going to threaten a punishment, be prepared it's one you can live with when it comes time to dish it out. In other words, when you argue with a three year old who won't eat what you've prepared for dinner and you tell her if she doesn't eat it she'll have to go to bed without supper, then you actually have to make her go to bed without supper when she doesn't eat it because you don't want to lose yet another parenting battle. And you will be the one with the sick feeling in the pit of your stomach.
  • When you go to the ER and wait three hours in the waiting room without being seen and then go home in frustration with no treatment, you will still get charged a fee by the hospital - even if you only spoke to a triage nurse.
  • Oh sure, you think you're being a cool mom by making green eggs and ham for breakfast one morning, but what you don't realize is that normal colored eggs will never be acceptable again, so stock up on the green food coloring.
  • Also, no matter how hard you work on the green eggs recipe, they will only ever be slightly-less-than-acceptable because you have not found a way to color the in-tact yolks green and leave the albumin natural for the "white part on the side" and serve them sunny side up.
  • If you yourself discover a $200 error in your 2004 state taxes, and you send in a check pay that $200 difference... unsolicited... before they even noticed the error... and they might never have noticed... they will still charge you a late fee because you didn't pay on time.
  • If you think a pediatrician, several lactation consultants and a surgeon all agreeing on the same thing makes it true... better think again.
  • Losing weight is not accomplished by drinking nacho cheese through a straw and eating donuts for an entire day (in fact, just maintaining your weight is not accomplished by these actions).
  • When people call that you don't want to talk to and haven't heard from in ten years acting like your long lost friends and closest relatives, you can get them off the phone faster if you just pretend there's no hard feelings between you. And then you don't have to talk to them anymore.
  • The opposite of love is not hate, it's apathy.
  • You can get more work done when you don't have seventeen meetings scheduled to talk about how much work you need to do.
  • You can finish blog posts faster if you don't keep getting distract... wait what was I doing?

An education I'm not all that sure I'm a better person for having, but an education nonetheless.