Faces of Christmas

Posted on 12/28/2012 07:34:00 AM
I've come to understand that about ninety percent of the faces my children make in photographs are put on for the camera's sake and little other reason -- and no where was this more obvious than in my recent set of Christmas day photographs. 

Please to observe:

I call this one The "Oversold Elation"

The "Exaggerated Bewilderment"

The "I Already Got a Mouthful of Candy Can't Be Bothered to Pose for You Now"

The "Clasping Hands in Quiet Devotion"

The "Unbridled Excitation"

The "Cannot Contain My Love for This Item"

The "Shock and Awe"

The "I Can't Believe My Sister is So Thoughtful"

The "Dual Delight"

The "Quiet Reflection of Joy"
(alternate title if you know what she's holding:
The "Momma's Gonna Regret this Later")

And now here's a word to the wise for those considering getting those kinds of presents where it's not really a corporeal thing, but rather an activity for them to do later.  The Dormouse has wanted to take skating lessons for a long time.  Then after her misguided attempt at Rockefeller Center when we thought that would put her off skating forever and then she still wanted to take skating lessons, we decided that would make a good Christmas present.  But when you get a kid a gift where there's not really a Thing In A Box (using every ounce of self-control to not link to this video - oh... wait... woops), you have to be creative about giving them some tangible thing to open.  And then you have to be patient while they figure it out.

The "I Don't Really Get this Conceptual Present So I'm Not Quite Sure How to React Yet"

The "Dawnlight Breaks on Marblehead"
The "Ooooh.... NOW I Get It"

The Caterpillar has shown quite a unique ability for dance and movement lately and we've been saying we should put her in dance lessons for ages now.  Recently, she came to me despondent, saying "I'm never gonna be in a dance class, am I?" So dance lessons was her big present this year.  But that one was a bit harder to get her to understand.

The "Oh I Get It, You Got Me a Dress"

The "Stare Patiently While Daddy Says No and Tries Once More To Explain"

And then....

"Enthusiastic Gratitude"
And...

"Unconstrained Passion"

It might have been a slow burn, but it was totally worth it.

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Boundless Joy

Posted on 12/28/2012 05:51:00 AM
I think it might be time to admit that she's too old for the rides in the mall.



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Christmas Eve Bokeh

Posted on 12/27/2012 11:30:00 PM



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All Work and No Play Makes The Caterpillar a Dull Girl

Posted on 12/26/2012 07:17:00 PM
...or something like that.



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I Like it Because it Reminds Me of Crêpes

Posted on 12/24/2012 11:00:00 PM
We attended a crèche exhibit at the LDS Temple on Christmas Eve. When I was a kid we just called these "manger scenes" or "nativity sets," but when it's high art, I guess only a word with an accent will suffice.  There were amazing displays from all over the world, but this was my favorite.



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Holiday Bokeh

Posted on 12/24/2012 07:44:00 AM


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It's a Festivus Miracle

Posted on 12/23/2012 06:00:00 AM
I think it might be about time for me to admit that I'm not good at Christmas.  I'd like to think otherwise, and I try, for The Shortlings' sake, I really do, but I'm just not feelin' it this year.  So then I was thinking back to last year when I just wasn't feelin' it then, either.  Last year, I blamed it on my extremely crappy year and the crappy year before that, but 2012 hasn't been entirely unkind to me.  I'm not sure I can get away with that excuse anymore.  So, instead, I go through the motions and try very hard to feel something, or at least pretend that I do. 

There's got to be another way.

A few days ago a box arrived for me in the mail. 

I opened it up and this was inside:


Actually not just this, there was also a book about Festivus and a stack of postcards that say, "A donation has been made in your name to the Human Fund."  You might say it was a veritable Festivus In A Box kit... actually you should say that because that's what it was.

I didn't see a note or a name I recognized anywhere on the package so I naturally assumed Monica (almost always the sender of unmarked things I receive in the mail) had sent it to me and I proudly displayed my pole on my computer desk without another thought.  It wasn't until a few days later when I mentioned something to her about it and she was all, "Wait. What? I didn't send you a Festivus pole.  Though if I'd thought of it, I would have."

Thus began the Festivus Mystery of 2012.

I started hinting around to people I thought might be likely, but no one fessed up.  

I posted a picture on the FacePlace and no one claimed responsibility.

I asked a my husband whom he thought had sent it and he had helpful, yet equally ridiculous suggestions:

"That person? Ha ha, that's funny.  He doesn't talk to me."

"Her?  I'm not even sure she's ever seen an episode of Seinfeld."

Finally, I just resigned myself to the fact that it was Another Festivus Miracle and I wasn't ever gonna know.  Then I would go around the world and my life thinking any one person I met could be THE person and I would have to treat them all differently, perhaps being... gasp... nice... to everyone. 

Fortunately, the next day I was delivered from my cruciation by a facebook message that came out of the blue from a cousin who lives two thousand miles away, whom I rarely see:

I was debating between sending you a leg lamp or a Festivus pole instead of a card this year, and the Festivus In A Box won out. I hope you're displaying it proudly. 

So thanks for the distraction, cuz.  You're one person I don't have a problem with this year.  If you were here, I'd allow you to perform the feats of strength.

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Christmas 2012

Posted on 12/22/2012 01:00:00 AM In:

Well, if you're reading this, that means the Mayan Calendar was not correct and the world probably did not end anytime on December 21, 2012 when a 12th planet in our solar system, called Nibiru which orbits the sun every 3,600 years, rammed into the Earth to destroy it. It's actually pretty disappointing because I was counting on not having to live past the end of December this year and now I gotta go get some Christmas presents.

For some reason, we got it together this year and I'm pleased to say that our Christmas cards were not only mailed before Christmas, but well before Christmas.  I know this might be on the verge of boastfulness and there's supposed to be something wrong with that, but it might be the only thing I do right this holiday season, so let me revel in my accomplishments (and the fact that I found a 50% off coupon so the ridiculous amount of cards I print didn't break us). 




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Passed Out Under the Christmas Tree

Posted on 12/20/2012 05:26:00 PM


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The Single Greatest Attraction in NYC

Posted on 12/17/2012 06:51:00 AM In:
*according to a nine-year-old

When I took The Dormouse to New York for her birthday a couple of years ago,we did it all:  Dylan's Candy Shop, Serendipity, Central Park Zoo, Central Park Alice in Wonderland Statue, Fountains, Times Square, M&M Store, Hershey's Store, Toys R Us Store, Disney Store, stayed overnight in the Planetarium, Broadway play... everything a kid could possibly want to do.

So when I asked her what memorable things from her first trip we should all do together this month as we went back, she didn't even have to think before the following sentence came rolling out her mouth, "Iwannagobacktothatrockandclimbupitandtakeapicture."

The hell?

"What?"

"You know.  That rock."

"What rock?"

"It was a big rock and I climbed it and you took a picture of me."

"All that stuff we did in the City on that trip and the most memorable thing for you is a rock?"

"It was a really cool rock."

This went on for awhile until I just threw up my hands and decided I wasn't going to figure it out.

We were not in Central Park for ten minutes before she recognized the rock.




Note to self: Next time avoid all the driving, hotel, parking and money spent and instead just head to the local quarry to make her happy.

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Clean Cup, Move Down

Posted on 12/16/2012 07:00:00 PM In:
When we drove into Manhattan early in the morning, our first order of business was finding a) parking and b) some place to eat breakfast.  As we were driving around hoping to score some sweet, sweet free street parking, The KoH said to me, "So where are we going to eat breakfast?"

Just then I looked up and saw this place and yelled "There! We're eating breakfast there!"

And then when they told us it would be an hour wait for a table, I declared our breakfast would now be brunch. 

I love Alice's Tea Cup, and not just because that's one of the first places I ever visited when I went to Manhattan for the first time, but also because I think The Shortlings loved it as much as I do. They have amazing scones and about a million selections of herbal teas, which makes me incredibly happy.

They also had fairy dust, which made the girls incredibly happy.

Different strokes for different folks.

They let the kids borrow fairy wings to wear because their parents were too cheap to pony up the dough to purchase them very overpriced shop wings.









The Instagrammed version of the morning:






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No Words, Except Maybe These

Posted on 12/14/2012 04:47:00 PM
"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.'  To this day, especially in times of 'disaster,' I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world."

- Fred Rogers


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Multitudes on 34th Street

Posted on 12/14/2012 05:41:00 AM In:
One of the things we decided to do when we took The Shortlings to New York was see some of the typical New York City Christmas sights and famous shop windows we've always heard so much about. 

I'm about to lay down some advice for you folks considering a trip to New York during December.  That stuff is okay if you like that kind of thing (crowds are not my bag, but the rest of the crew wanted to see Times Square and the iconic Christmas stuff and I figure everyone should get that chance), and I had a much better time skating at Rockefeller Center than I expected, though I'm pretty sure The KoH, The Caterpillar and The Dormouse did not - but each for different reasons. But if that's the only reason you're making a trip to New York, you might... will... probably be disappointed.  

Macy's had a cute series of windows that told the Yes, Virginia story, and that was fun to see, but hard for the kids because there were so many people.  My favorite windows were at Bergdorf Goodman and Bloomingdales.  I'm just not sure it was worth the entire trip up and certainly not worth braving the throngs of tourists crowding each street corner and trying to push me and my family into the road every time we had to stop and wait for a crossing signal.  Ultimately, we only saw a portion of the windows because, as it turns out, Lexington and 5th on a Saturday in December is really not the place to make kids do a lot of walking if you don't enjoy copious amounts of whining.  They were mostly unimpressed.

So we did the Rockefeller Center tree, the 5th Avenue shops, Radio City Music Hall, carriage ride in Central Park, danced with every Salvation Army bell ringer we passed... and now I can say we've done it and don't need to again.   Next time, we go in January, when it's empty and I get you all to myself, New York.





 





 


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Central Park Zoo Denizen

Posted on 12/13/2012 06:32:00 AM In:
I like this photo, sure, but mostly, I just wanted an excuse to use the word denizen other than in a crossword puzzle.
 


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I Recall Central Park in Fall

Posted on 12/13/2012 05:05:00 AM In:
If you point your camera in just the right way, you can almost convince yourself that New York City isn't filled with eight million people, all trying to get in your viewfinder at once.



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Kilroy Was Here

Posted on 12/12/2012 05:19:00 PM
This is a photo Monica just found and sent to me and I'd guess it's at least four years old.  But it makes me laugh so much Imma need to post it anyway. I swear she could be the live action version of World War II graffiti.


Ah... life was so much simpler then.

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How Much Am I Amused By My Neighbors?

Posted on 12/11/2012 05:30:00 PM

So much.




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This Year's Ornaments*

Posted on 12/10/2012 05:25:00 PM In:
I'm not so into the holiday cheer and am having a hard time getting excited about... well... anything this year.  Let's just say I'll be looking forward to Festivus because I Gotta Lotta Problems With You People!

I did, however, find some pretty funny ornaments for The Shortlings in my continuing mission to seek out bold new ornaments and find new meaning in a small trinket you can hang on a tree. Dum, da da dum, da da dum.....

And because I know you're on the edge of your seat (and because I have very little else to add), I present you with this year's ornament selection:

The Dormouse

The Dormouse's ornament is pretty self-explanatory if you've read this post.

The Caterpillar

The Caterpillar's ornament has a little more of a story behind it. I won't go into the whole reason but caterpillar is not the only nickname she has and if you heard an uncontrollable squeal of delight mid-day about two weeks ago and wondered what it was, consider that it is really, really, hard to find an armadillo Christmas ornament.



*I am officially out of puns that have to do with the word ornament.

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And Peope Wonder Where I Get My Weird Sense of Humor

Posted on 12/08/2012 06:04:00 AM
Recently, I got a birthday card from my Dad. I opened it up, read the card, and thought, "That's nice." Then a small, red piece of plastic fell out onto the table.  I looked down and saw the word Toyota printed on it.


Then I turned it over to examine the back:

 

"Hey, what do you think this is?" I called to The KingofHearts.

We both took a closer look.

"Hmmmm... it looks like an electric contact point of some sort."

"Yeah, like the chips that come out cards that play music.  Only this isn't one of those cards.  And it says Toyota on it."

He shook his head.  "Don't really know, then."

So I headed over to the computer and shot off a quick email to thank him for the card and ask what "that thing" was.  This is the response I got a day later:

Well, it looks like it has accomplished its purpose....

A short background on its origin is required at this point…

Previous to Thanksgiving Day I was given a free ticket to the Auto Show and for it to be free I had to use it on Thanksgiving Day. So I promptly proceeded to the show as it opened at 9AM in the morning. Several auto manufactures had free test drives of their new 2013 autos so I drove the new Ford C-Max Hybrid, the all electric Chevrolet Volt and the Toyota Prius plug-in Hybrid. During the “sign-up” process for all of these I was given a wristband to Identify that I was signed up while I was waiting for my vehicle. After the Toyota drive they put my wristband over a “scanner”, which I assumed marked me as a completed driver and they gave me a free gift for my time, I think it was an LED flashlight.

When I got home I had to cut the Toyota wristband off with scissors and when I turned it over I noticed the “contact chip looking thing” on the underside. I strained my mind for over a week thinking what I could do with this electronic looking thing and then a BRAINSTORM finally hit me the day I was sending your Birthday Card. What if I put it in your card with no explanation on what it is – How much mental activity would it stimulate with you and your family trying to figure out what it is? How long would it take for you and your family to finally break down and ASK what its purpose is and also answer the final question – were you paying attention to the card and the contents?

As I stated in the opening sentence, it has accomplished its sole purpose with flying colors!!!

If you are sure that it will open Ali Baba’s cave with untold fortune, you might want to take it to your local Toyota dealer, who knows, maybe you will win a brand new Toyota Prius plug-in Hybrid!

I’ve Attached a picture for your convenience…

Happy Birthday,

Dad

Well played, father.  Well played.

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Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree

Posted on 12/05/2012 10:00:00 PM In:
We still struggle with The Caterpillar's early morning exploits, though things have gotten a lot better since The Clock came to stay. But I can't really fault her for being an early riser because I am notorious for not sleeping much.  I stay up way too late and lack the ability to sleep in the next morning without the proper external intervention.  

When I go to New York with Monica, I generally wake up way before she does, lack the ability to remain quiet, and then sneak out of the hotel room so I will not a) wake her and b) drive myself cah-ray-zay pacing back and forth from the bathroom to the bed. I wander around New York in my pajama pants and pretend the whole city belongs to me, because at five o'clock in the morning, it kinda does.

New York isn't as much fun when you're staying across the river and you can't abandon the hotel room before the sun comes up and wander about unfettered.  But with The Caterpillar, I have a companion. 



This video ends abruptly because the hotel security guard had seen her on the monitor, but didn't see me, so he came to investigate the crazy, motherless child he saw wearing a path into the floor of the hotel lobby.  


Also because there was a wedding in the hotel that day and the father of the bride spent a good deal of time telling me what it was like to throw a traditional Indian wedding for his daughter because he was also up way too early wandering around the hotel lobby, but probably for entirely different reasons.

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Me in 3 Seconds

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Washington, D.C. Metro, United States
Married, 40ish mom of two (or three, or four, depending on how you keep score) who stepped through the lookinglass and now finds herself living in curiouser and curiouser lands of Marriage, Motherhood, and the Washington, D.C. Metro Area.

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