If you, like me, have spent many a sleepless night trying to figure out how to get the most of your Halloween Jack-o-Lanterns and prove to the world that you are ecologically conscious and capable of using every part of the animal... or if you just like setting stuff on fire... have I got an activity for you.  

Take:
  • a pumpkin
  • a cup of kerosene
  • a roll of toilet paper
  • a long handled lighter
  • and a nearby fire extinguisher in case of emergency
Put the toilet paper roll in the pumpkin, soak it with the lamp oil and light.  

This should provide at least ten minutes of good, clean family fun for you and your pyromaniacal family. That is, if your kids can stop bickering for ten minutes - which apparently wasn't possible in this case. (I have removed the audio for your convenience and my sanity.)

Cause if a girl can't go to Burning Man, at least she can dream up a reasonable facsimile.