This one's for Monica.

Thirteen grievances I have on Festivus:
  1. People who put hair gel in their boys' hair to create a faux-hawk
  2. People who clip their nails during my kid's piano recital
  3. The KingofHearts gets today off and I don't
  4. The Caterpillar has only slept past 5:00 am once in the last two months
  5. I have the week off between Christmas and New Year's Day, but so do The Children, rendering the vacation part of my vacation null and void
  6. Monica doesn't seem to know what day Festivus is actually celebrated
  7. Colleagues waited to hand in articles for weeks-past work deadline until yesterday, knowing full well I'd have another two days' work AFTER receiving them... oh, did I mention the office closes today at noon?
  8. Cannot find aluminum pole to display in living room due to evil stripper pole industry machines commercializing the holiday
  9. Hole in husband's head still tender, making winning feats of strength lacking in sense of accomplishment and prowess over him it deserves
  10. Those who use "flustrated," "supposably," and "well-healed" and insist they are correct that way
  11. The Harvard comma
  12. People who gave my kid I Can Be a Stripper Doctor Barbie doll (just look at that mini-skirt and those pink legs and tell me I'm wrong) for preschool Christmas party - and that she likes it better than any toy in the house
  13. Pissed that my grievances are so mild this year - I have too much to be thankful for