Thirteen Things Overheard at Hershey Park this Week

Yes, I went and volunteered to chaperon twelve hyperactive kids at an amusement park again. What can I say? I may not be the stupidest person alive (there are others who hold that title), but one thing I do not do is learn from my mistakes. Also: I am a sucker for, "Please momma, I want you to come" because really, how many more years am I even gonna hear that? Two? Three tops? I'm gonna go ahead and take what I can get.

This was the best year of taking kids to theme parks yet, because The Dormouse is finally tall enough and brave enough to ride on at least a few of the rides I'm interested in. It was nice for a change to ride some of the rides with her rather than simply watch her go around and around on a never-ending succession of comically shaped vehicles. Even when I fit inside them, I don't do around and around rides. A possible combination of multiple eye operations and a thing that lives inside my brain makes this story particularly relevant for me. Just tack a splitting migraine that incapacitates me for the next three days onto the end of that story and you'll get pretty much every Scrambler or Scrambler-like experience I've ever had as an adult-type person. Put me on the wildest, scariest roller coaster you have, however, and I've suddenly got an iron clad stomach.

When The KingofHearts and I first started dating, we went to a local amusement park and he confessed that he was kind of a wussy about roller coasters. "Dude," I said, "this is going to be an Issue in our relationship." I then proceeded to school him on the ways of the roller coaster enthusiast and because there wasn't a line that day, when we got off the ride, we ran around from the exit to the entrance and rode that same coaster again about a dozen times in quick succession. He's come along quite nicely since then, but I don't want The Dormouse to suffer similar embarrassment, so I'm working on her just a bit earlier.
  1. Teacher: "We're less than five minutes into the field trip. One boy has already asked to go pee and the bus driver has gone wrong direction on freeway. This trip is shaping up to be awesome."
  2. ::on the road for less than two minutes:: Boy: "I have to go to the bathroom." Teacher: "We're on the bus. There's no bathroom. That's why you all went before you walked out the door. We're not stopping 'til we get to Hershey Park." Boy: "BUT WHAT IF WE NEED FOOOOOOD?!?
  3. Boy: "This is Hershey Park? I didn't know Hershey Park would look so... un-hershable."
  4. Teacher: "You know you really don't have to measure yourself at every single ride; you're still gonna be in the same height group." Other teacher: "I don't know, sometimes people have been known to get off one ride and find themselves five inches taller before the next." ::kids run to measuring stick and check::
  5. ::boy grabs for cotton candy from street vendor:: Teacher: "You have to pay for that." Boy: "Ah man, NOTHING'S FREE IN AMERICA!"
  6. The Dormouse, half way through her very first big people roller coaster ride: "I'd like to get off now." Me: "I think you're going to have a wait about three more minutes."
  7. Me: "Were you scared on that roller coaster?" Dormouse: "YES!" Me: "Were you scared when it went upside down?" Dormouse: "IT WENT UPSIDE DOWN??!??"
  8. Boy: "They allow smoking here? Well that's just a shame!"
  9. Boy 1: "You didn't go on that roller coaster because you were scared." Boy 2: "NO! I didn't go on that roller coaster because I wasn't feelin' it."
  10. Me: "One of the kids' names was Kimar. I used every ounce of control and never once referred to him as Kumar or made a reference to White Castle. I'm like Ghandi with the willpower and the self discipline and stuff."
  11. Me to teacher: "You must hear it all from these kids." Teacher: "Yep." Me: "I don't even WANT to know what you know about MY family." Teacher: "Actually she doesn't talk about you much. She's got a lot of dirt on little Johnny's parents and their marital problems, though."
  12. Teacher: "Where'd little Johnny go?" Me: "Oh, he just found out they're serving ginger beer at the buffet table and he thinks he's getting away with something devious by helping himself to some."
  13. Me: "My daughter read an entire chapter book on the two and a half hour bus ride home. Me? I read some tweets. This kid is startin' to make me look bad."