The KingofHearts had to work yesterday but The Shortlings and I had the day off. And because I am notsosmart, I decided to take them downtown with me for the inauguration. I figured it would be crowded. I figured it would be cold. I figured we probably wouldn't get close enough to hear much, if anything. I figured that was all fine with me because if you go in with low expectations, it's hard to be disappointed, right? Mostly, I just wanted them to experience a little bit of history, to be able to say they were there that day, even if they didn't really get to see the actual event up close.

Making memories! (I just didn't realize how many.)

Thirteen things I did on inauguration day:

  1. Steal a tank of gas from a government worker. 
  2. Buy a tank of gas for a government worker. 
  3. Get free Slurpees from the Exxon station owner because I did not make it hard for them to fix the fact that they took a government worker's cash for gas and put it on a pump she had not parked anywhere near and how was I to know that anyway when I had put my card and my zip code into the machine and then machine no one told me not to? (Seriously, who pays for gas before they pull up to a pump?!?) Also: Cannot confirm this until I get my monthly statement, but I am reasonably certain I paid for both my tank of gas and the government worker's. 
  4. Go back into station twice. Once for bathroom because of course no one mentioned they had to go until the second I got back into the car and turned the key to go, and once to clean Slurpee off Small Child, who spilled it all over herself seven seconds after walking out the door. Exclaim loudly that I would ONE DAY LIKE TO LEAVE THE EXXON STATION, PREFERABLY BEFORE THE END OF THE PRESIDENT'S SECOND TERM.
  5. Nearly get killed by out of control hook and ladder truck coming at me sideways on street in front of fire station. Declare that the universe does not want us to live to see the inauguration. 
  6. Drive approximately one half block down the street after narrowly missing death and flattening by fire truck, then stop in road for blind man wandering in the middle of street in traffic. Apparently the universe does not want him to live to see it either. 
  7. Pull my car across two lanes of traffic when impatient people behind me who were angry they had to wait for the fire truck earlier decide to whip around my car and then nearly kill wandering blind man in road. 
  8. Throw on emergency brake, hazard lights, scream at Shortlings to DO NOT MOVE A MUSCLE!, then get out of car and escort blind man to sidewalk; suggest he walk here instead of in the middle of a busy D.C. street. Leave him with another helpful motorist who also got out of his car to help, but didn't leave small children in his unattended vehicle in the street. 
  9. Give up dream of going to the Mall; instead go to Ben's Chili Bowl to watch inauguration on big screen TV. Because there's very little aggravation a chili dog can't fix. 
  10. While standing in line, nearly trip well-dressed man as he walks past me to leave restaurant; suddenly realize that well-dressed man is Nick Cannon. Agree with fellow restaurant patron who chased him out the door for a picture that, OF COURSE she was very cool and smooth, not like those other groupies who get all excited and stuff around celebrities. 
  11. Decline being interviewed by "German live TV" news crew at Ben's Chili Bowl. Instead listen to them interview group at table next to me and ask guy to repeat his answer five different times because they didn't like his inflection the first four time he said it. "Live" must mean different things to different people. 
  12. Laugh with restaurant patrons when Large Child loudly announces that the Vice President "is about to take the Oath of Awesome" 
  13. Applaud along with restaurant patrons and staff after inaugural address. Remember again why I love this very big city with a very small neighborhood culture so much.

I totally think if Joe Biden had a choice he would call it the "Oath of Awesome" too.

Listening intently to the Presidential Oath of Office to try and catch me being wrong -- because she asked me what he would say and I repeated the Oath of Office word for word.  Even I didn't know I knew that.  My 6th grade elementary school teacher would be so proud.