You would love my church if only for the entertainment value each Sunday brings.
Yesterday, it was announced that a member of our bishopric is moving to another area so they asked a new person to replace him. Whenever there's a shake-up in the leadership such as this - and with a lay ministry, this happens often - tradition suggests that both the "old" person and the "new" person are asked to do something called "bearing their testimony" to the congregation after the announcement is made. The definition of bearing one's testimony is that you express your feelings about Christ and His Gospel in a public forum. Nothing more. Nothing less. But as is also common with a lay ministry, you don't always get the most prepared of speeches - especially when you ask people to do this without giving them a heads up first. This was said from the pulpit yesterday:
"My wife chooses not to come to church as you know. But I take the Bible very literally. So when we were both in a bus crash in Tel Aviv, and my wife was hurt worse than me and had to stay in the hospital, I would not leave my wife. Even though the doctors told me to go to the hotel and get some rest, I would not leave my wife. I stayed with her. I would never leave my wife.... unless she committed adultery on me. Then I would leave her."
Yesterday, it was announced that a member of our bishopric is moving to another area so they asked a new person to replace him. Whenever there's a shake-up in the leadership such as this - and with a lay ministry, this happens often - tradition suggests that both the "old" person and the "new" person are asked to do something called "bearing their testimony" to the congregation after the announcement is made. The definition of bearing one's testimony is that you express your feelings about Christ and His Gospel in a public forum. Nothing more. Nothing less. But as is also common with a lay ministry, you don't always get the most prepared of speeches - especially when you ask people to do this without giving them a heads up first. This was said from the pulpit yesterday:
"My wife chooses not to come to church as you know. But I take the Bible very literally. So when we were both in a bus crash in Tel Aviv, and my wife was hurt worse than me and had to stay in the hospital, I would not leave my wife. Even though the doctors told me to go to the hotel and get some rest, I would not leave my wife. I stayed with her. I would never leave my wife.... unless she committed adultery on me. Then I would leave her."
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October 12, 2009 at 10:48 AM
So was that the counselor going out or coming in? (going out, I hope) I thought you were about to say that he attributed her being more injured to the fact that she is a sinner who doesn't attend church, or something like that (which would be equally unsurpising to hear during a testimony meeting). Our ward isn't quite so entertaining.
October 12, 2009 at 10:59 AM
If he never leaves her side, she doesn't have a fighting chance at committing adultery! BOOO.
October 12, 2009 at 12:39 PM
Man, I haven't heard an entertaining testimony since I was a kid. I grew up in an ward full of crazies! My current ward is very boring. Maybe we'll move. I miss those crazies.
October 12, 2009 at 2:38 PM
Ha!
October 12, 2009 at 4:04 PM
October 12, 2009 at 4:40 PM
I was thinking along the same lines as Scott.
I wish our ward entertained my children ... so I could listen and be entertained too.
October 12, 2009 at 8:59 PM
LOLOLOLOL!
October 13, 2009 at 8:45 AM
Oh good Lord! Seriously? Sometimes, I miss church if only for this kind of stuff. (Un)fortunately, it's not enough to make me go back!
P.S. Did your mother just call your ward "dumb"?! I think I'd take a ward in your part of the world over one in her corner of "Zion" any day! ;-)
October 13, 2009 at 3:40 PM
Twekesbury: I heard that. :)
October 13, 2009 at 4:47 PM
@Tewkesbury: Actually she's right. There are a lot of great wards in our stake and our area of the country. But this ward? This ward is dumb. But whattya gonna do... it's mine. And there are some really great people in it - even if the bishopric might not fall into that category.
October 13, 2009 at 5:32 PM
LOL!