We rarely watch real television anymore. Getting a DVR has changed the way we look at the world. We record scores of shows each week and then we watch what we have time to see and when we have time to see it. When our entertainment debt builds up enough to fill up the hard drive, we delete things that are low on the priority list. When we watch those recorded shows, we speed through the commercials with the practiced eye and fingers of a sharp shooter who knows exactly when to pull the trigger and what kind of delay he should expect between the time the bullet leaves the gun and reaches its target. I've never been a payer of attention to commercials anyway; when they start, my brain goes elsewhere. But there is the occasional experience when I finish a program, delete it from the hard drive, it automatically goes back to the regular television programming, and I see an actual moment of real live television programming.

Such was the case last night.

That should set the stage. And let me remind you, this is the script from the television commercial, verbatim - because once I realized this was not, in fact, a sketch from a late night comedy show, I used the pause live t.v. option and ran it back to take pictures of the screen and write down all the words. I only wish I were making this up.

Fade in prominent, patriotic, type music.

Deep, important sounding voice: To commemorate the inauguration of our 44th President... with a well known American icon, introducing...

*high pitched singing* Ch-ch-ch-ch-chia

Deep, important sounding voice continues: Chia Obama

This Chia Obama is a special edition and collectors' item.

Just spread the seeds, water and watch it grow.

Your Chia Obama is a symbol of liberty, opportunity, prosperity.... and hope.

Chia Obama makes the statement, "I'm proud to be an American."

Display it on your desk,

in your home,

at your school,

show pride and support with Chia Obama.

Get your collectible Chia Obama...

and with this special offer, order two Chia Obamas and shipping and handling is free.

Order your Chia Obama today.

*heavy sigh*

There are so many things wrong with this, I don't know where to begin counting.