When I was in college, I worked part time at a nursing home with Alzheimer's patients. I think technically, my job title was "activity services" or something like that but basically I was there to keep the residents busy after 5:00 pm when the real, college-degreed, therapists went home.

I could spend all day telling stories about that place, like how we had this crazy system with a list of all the patients' names and a series of letters next to each like: C M A S O W L and each one was supposed to stand for some approved goal that everyone should be working with the patients on like Cognitive tasks, Memory work, or Activities of daily living. I can't remember now what they all stood for. We were then supposed to circle the corresponding letter next to each person's name if we'd worked on that area of focus during the evening. This was the brain child of one of the actual, degreed therapists there and was what passed for charting and documentation of care. If the powers that be didn't feel enough letters were circled at the end of the month, we'd all catch hell for - get this - NOT "not doing enough with the patients" but rather, "not circling enough letters when charting" and we'd be instructed to go back into the month's records and "circle more letters." I'm pretty sure that facility lost their JCAHO approval shortly after I left.

Digression: One of my favorite memories there was of a woman who was pretty severely affected by the disease and when she talked she'd often get stuck on a word or a phrase, saying it over and over until someone did the human equivalent of bumping their hip up against a skipping record player. Then she could go on and finish her sentence. One day another resident had his grandchildren who were both under five or so visiting and they were running all around the day room. This woman saw them and her face softened as she watched them chase each other. She patted me on the arm and said, "Awwwwww! Look at the little-ittle-ittle-ittles!"

/digression

Getting to the point, I did a lot of music related activities which were really effective but sometimes when there wasn't time or space for anything else, it was a good cognitive exercise to just sit down with the people and talk. Plus, so few people really had a conversation with these folks, it was no wonder their memories had atrophied even without the disease. There was a spiral notebook that we carried around with ideas for conversation starters and memory work and one whole section was just a long list of proverbs and sayings. We'd start one off by saying, "A good man..." and see who could remember the rest, "is hard to find." Some couldn't remember, some had never heard That One, but either way, it would often be the jumping off point for a discussion about whether we thought that saying was true or if they remembered an experience from their earlier lives where they learned that lesson. I don't think I can count the hours I sat around with those folks with a list of proverbs in my hand just shooting the breeze while we waited for dinner to be served. It was actually one of my favorite things to do in that job.

I was reminded of that place the other day when I came across a list of proverbs on some website. I wondered how The Dormouse would complete them, so we sat down with the list together today. I gave her the first part and asked her how the rest should go. I'm afraid this list is a little long. I originally meant to take a small selection of the best ones, but the more I went through the list, the more I wanted all of them saved for posterity - meaning hers. Because Grandma will have to have SOMEthing to blackmail Momma with one day when she has kids of her own. That is all to say that I realize this list is hella long so feel free to skip around if you like. But here are the answers in the World According to Dormouse. Enjoy.

  • A chain is only as strong... "as steel"
  • A fool and his money are... "rich"
  • A friend in need is... "poor"
  • A journey of a thousand miles begins with... "an airplane"
  • A leopard cannot change... "colors"
  • A little knowledge is... "great"
  • A penny saved is... "one cent"
  • A picture is worth... "a hundred dollars"
  • A place for everything and everything... "is good and you like the places"
  • A rolling stone gathers no... "bumps"
  • A stitch in time saves... "eighty dollars"
  • A watched pot never... "gets dirty"
  • A woman's work is never... "unclean"
  • Actions speak louder than... "the person's voice"
  • All good things come to... "Jesus Christ"
  • All that glistens is not... "unprotected"
  • An apple a day keeps... "you working and healthy"
  • Beauty is in the eye of... "Heavenly Father"
  • Beggars can't be... "foolish"
  • Behind every great man there is... "great stuff and great dreams"
  • Birds of a feather... "helps the bird fly"
  • Blood is thicker than... "ice cream"
  • Boys will be... "handsome"
  • Don't bite the hand that... "is on a zombie or a living person"
  • Don't burn your bridges... "by fire"
  • Don't count your chickens before... "lunchtime"
  • Don't put all your eggs in... "a bowl"
  • Early to bed and early to rise makes a man... "grow"
  • Every dark cloud has... "rain inside of it"
  • Fish and guests smell after... "they poop"
  • Fools rush in where angels fear... "nothing"
  • Good fences make good... "wood"
  • Good things come to those who... "be kind"
  • Great minds think... "that they will be kind and loving"
  • He who laughs last laughs... "greater than a fish"
  • He who lives by the sword shall die... "if they lie all the time"
  • If a job is worth doing it is... "good or great"
  • If at first you don't succeed... "keep answering the questions"
  • If life deals you lemons... "make lemon juice every day"
  • If wishes were horses... "the horses would be invisible and you couldn't find them when you needed them"
  • If you can't beat em... "just relax at home"
  • If you can't stand the heat... "fan yourself off and get some ice cream"
  • Into every life a little rain must... "drop"
  • It never rains but it... "will show lightning and thunder"
  • It takes a thief to catch... "a fish"
  • It's better to give than... "take away"
  • It's better to have loved and lost than... "steal"
  • It's not worth crying over... "a toy"
  • It's the early bird that gets... "ready for school"
  • It's the squeaky wheel that gets... "flat like a pancake"
  • Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and, you... "cry"
  • Laughter is the best... "way to say something is funny"
  • Let sleeping dogs... "rest"
  • Let the punishment fit... "in"
  • Life begins at... "Heaven"
  • Lightening never strikes twice in... "the world"
  • Look before you... "fish"
  • Man does not live by... "Satan"
  • Money makes the world go... "quicker"
  • Music has charms to soothe... "the way people feel"
  • Never judge a book by... "their pages"
  • Never put off until tomorrow what you can... "do"
  • Oil and water don't... "mix together"
  • Old soldiers never die, they just... "kill themselves so we would be safe"
  • One good turn deserves... "a rest"
  • Opportunity only knocks... "on the door"
  • Out of sight, out of... "smell"
  • People who live in glass houses shouldn't... "touch anything except they doorknob because they'll get fingerprints on the glass"
  • Pride comes before... "walking"
  • Put your best foot... "up"
  • Spare the rod and spoil... "your mind"
  • Speak softly and carry... "nothing, it's easier"
  • Stupid is as stupid... "egg cartons"
  • The Devil finds work for... "Heavenly Father, but Heavenly Father makes the devil do it himself so it's like he found the work for himself"
  • The darkest hour is just before... "midnight"
  • The hand that rocks the cradle... "moves back and forth a lot"
  • The more things change, the more they... "don't really change"
  • The pen is mightier than... "the pencil"
  • The way to a man's heart is... "good"
  • There's always more fish in... "the pond and the lake but not the backyard"
  • There's more than one way to skin... "the dead skin off your foot"
  • There is no... "monsters or ghosts"
  • Those who do not learn from history are... "stupid"
  • To err is human, to forgive... "is a flower"
  • Too many cooks... "spoiled my soup"
  • Truth is stranger than... "thieved"
  • Two wrongs don't make... "three"
  • Waste not... "our heart"
  • When the cat's away... "she doesn't scratch us or poop on the floor"
  • Where there's a will... "we keep our hearts with us"
  • You can lead a horse to water, but you can't... "lead the horse to food"
  • You can't get blood... "from spiders"
  • You can't make an omelet without... "cheese"
  • You can't teach an old dog... "to scream like a girl dog"
  • You catch more flies with honey than... "bees"
  • Youth is wasted on... "my heart"