The KingofHearts saw a special on the Food Network a few days ago which included a segment about this company who, trying to combat waning sales for their product during the winter months, came up with this idea to sell more product around the holidays. They hired a company to develop some wholly new and novelty flavor experiences to add to their soda. The concept was Thanksgiving Dinner in a soda.

"Sounds yucky," says I.

"Yeah, I know... but I still want to try them; I'm curious," he insists.

So when I saw a package of them at Target the other day, I couldn't resist. Turkey & Gravy flavored soda, what a treat! Plus, some of the proceeds from the holiday packs benefit St. Jude’s Children’s Research Center and Toys for Tots. The result was something akin to the Harry Potter Every Flavor Beans where they managed to come up with jelly beans that taste like snot and vomit - and even though you may have never tasted snot and vomit, you go "Um... yeah... that's what it probably tastes like."

So that night, the soda having been properly chilled, we ceremoniously gathered 'round the table like snooty adults at a wine tasting with five flavors of soda and two shot glasses. What followed was a flavor extravaganza not soon to be forgotten.

First course: Turkey & Gravy Soda
Oddly enough... I thought this did actually taste like Turkey & Gravy (KoH did not). We argued about whether or not the flavor name was accurate, where you tasted it on the palate, whether you got most of the gravy taste with the body of the soda, on the finish, or just fooled yourself into it because of the bouquet. But ultimately.... carbonated, sweet gravy? Just wrong.

Second course: Sweet Potato Soda
This one tasted like really, really sweet kids' medicine. Not horrible. But not good either. The real problem is it smells like ass. So you're already prepared not to like it. It's like if you made candied yams with one yam and seven large bags of marshmallows along with 17 cups of brown sugar.

Third course: Dinner Roll Soda
This was by far the strangest. It didn't taste like dinner rolls, but it did - if dinner rolls were made with sugar instead of yeast and also incorporated baking soda and vinegar to make them fizz in your mouth.

Fourth course: Pea Soda
By this course, we are no longer pouring full shot glasses of soda. Each successive sample is being dispensed in smaller and smaller amounts. Fortunate that, because I cannot adequately describe how incredibly bad this one was. Even though we barely consumed a tablespoon of this, we both felt the immediate need to spray Lemon Pledge into our mouths, hoping to block out the taste. Ultimately we agreed that the name should have been "Vomit Soda" both because that's what it tasted like and that's what it made us both want to do.

Final course: Antacid Flavored Soda
If you have ever mixed Pepto-Bismol with 7-Up, you'll know exactly what this tastes like. It was not all that bad. My only regret is that one of the ingredients wasn't actually antacid because after the Pea Soda, I needed it.

According to the company's website: "Packs will be available, in very limited quantities, beginning the week of November 7th. Once they’re gone, they’re gone!"

What a shame.

The end of the story is that I have five only-slightly-used bottles of soda in my refrigerator. Anyone up for Christmas dinner at my house?