I promised the story of the The Daily Show Security Guards, but I'm not sure in retrospect it is even that interesting. Suffice it to say that I think someone could find work in Auschwitz if born in another place and time. Here goes anyway:

When we walked up to the studio there were a couple of lines and we started asking folks which line was for ticket holders, which was standby, etc. We had still not clarified that when a woman with no identification, only a white shirt and khaki pants, walked up behind a group of us and started yelling. We had no idea who she was, whether she was another ticket holder or just some random person off the street. She did not identify herself; just began yelling at us to follow her around the corner of the building and not to ask any questions until we got there. Someone tried to ask if this was the line for ticket-holders or the VIP section and she did this talk to the hand thing that I've only ever seen on television - never in real life. I finally piped up, "Are you even from The Daily Show? Because I'd hate to think we were being kidnapped for medical testing and just followed you submissively to our deaths." She completely ignored me. Some people have no sense of humor.

In her defense, I get that being an audience wrangler a television show is probably one the suckier jobs in the world. I can imagine there's a fair amount of dealing with belligerent people who don't want to follow the rules, but we were not those belligerent people. We were all nice and well-mannered and not even one fist fight broke out while we were standing there. There were several others in addition to her who came out periodically to make the same no guns, no weapons, no recording devices, no gum (oh yes, you heard me, no gum - what are we in second grade?); you will get kicked out of the show if you break our rules announcements and they managed to do it without being a major jackass to everyone in line. She was just mean.

Later when we had to go through the metal detector, I tried to take my coat off and hand it to Her. We'd been given the lecture at least eight times that we had to take every everything out of our pockets before walking through the metal detector and I knew that my coat had metal buttons on it... making it decidedly metal detector UNfriendly. As luck would have it, Nazi Security Guard was the person pawing through my belongings and when she saw me start to take off my coat she yelled at me, "Do NOT take off your coat! Leave your coat ON and walk through the metal detector."

I'd been through airport security often enough with that coat on, so I tried to help her out: "My coat has metal buttons on it and it's going to set off th..."

She cut me off with a hand again, "I SAID, leave your coat ON and WALK FORWARD."

I shrugged my shoulders and walked through. Surprise, surprise, the metal detector beeped.

She sighed audibly and announced to the room, "Did you take everything out of your pockets like I instructed you? Obviously not. YOU ARE HOLDING UP THE LINE."

By this time I'd had it, "YES. I TOOK EVERYTHING OUT OF MY POCKETS LIKE YOU INSTRUCTED. THERE IS NOTHING IN MY POCKETS. MY COAT HAS METAL BUTTONS AND AS I PREDICTED, IT SET OFF THE METAL DETECTOR - THAT'S WHY I TRIED TO TAKE IT OFF... TO AVOID HOLDING UP THE LINE." I whipped my coat off and threw it on the table, then walked back through, beepless.

Seriously? THAT required all the yelling? Some people just make their jobs harder on themselves.

We had a really wonderful time at The Daily Show taping. Jon Stewart was funny and personable and though he did not offer me the opportunity to run off with him to the South of France for a romantic tryst, I can forgive him for that because I ended up sitting just a few feet from Aasiv Mandvi for about half the show - yummy! But Jon? Here's a tip: people would have a whole lot better experience at your show if you'd fire that bitch.