Last month, I turned forty. Yes, I know... I let that go by without even so much as an observation, despite my mother's attempt to out me in the comments section of a post. Believe it or not, there was no Freudian slip involved. It's not so much that turning forty bothered me. I just don't quite know what to say about it. I could never quite develop any thoughts worthy of writing anything, so I let it go by with nary a mention.

I don't feel forty.

Does anyone?

But does it bother me? Am I suddenly obsessed with the reality of my middle age and facing death someday which will become a mid-life crisis worthy of botox, lipo-suction, and a new pair of $300 shoes? Not so much. Too busy with a four-year-old and a four-month-old to remember to feel old, I guess. (Although I wouldn't pass up some free lipo if it were out there. I'm just sayin'.)

I promise I wasn't fishing for presents when I wrote this post, but it must have given the KingofHearts ideas and because he gives the greatest gifts in the world, he got me *cue angels singing* this. So my plan for my fortieth birthday was do post this iTunes Meme. The only problem is I have over seven hundred CDs in my modest little monument to obsessive compulsive disorder and it's taken me almost two months to load them all on the *cue angels singing* iPod before I could actually do the meme.

The nice thing about being too sick to do anything but hold a baby and watch television for a week is you have a lot of time to babysit a computer and keep shoving in CDs one after the other. So this last week when I lacked the mental capacity to spell my name, I finally finished loading all my music onto the *cue angels singing* iPod.

I first saw this over on Kate’s blog and I was so curious about what my answers would be I decided to do the thing myself. Then I found about a million versions of it. I've made a composite of all the versions I've found so I won't be tempted to answer this nine different times. That way if you're not interested, you can just skip over one post, rather than keep coming back to see yet another iTunes meme. (Like there are actually people coming back after the drivel I've been writing lately.)

So, without delay, I present the completed iTunes meme... witness to my ability to rationalize and say "I must buy this CD... I Need it for work... I can deduct it from my taxes as a business expense" and testament to my music dorkiness. The truth is, if you actually looked at the complete list of music in my iPod, you would probably think I am MUCH older than forty.

iTunes Meme

How many total songs? 9955
How many total albums? 755
How many total artists? 1389
How many total genres? 25
How many total bytes used? 35.57 GB
Sort by song title
First song: A Tisket, A Tasket, by Ella Fitzgerald
Last song: 99 Luftballoons, by Nena (or if you're going alphabetically only, Zwischen Perg Und Tiefem Tal, by Heinrich Issac)

Sort by Time
Shortest: Who's Knocking on the Wall?, by They Might Be Giants, 4 seconds
Longest: Bitches Brew, by Miles Davis, 27 minutes

Sort by Album
First: AC/DC Live: Collector's Edition
Last: 50th Anniversary Collection, by The Andrews Sisters (or if alpha only, You Asked For It, by Bob Kravos - and no, you haven't heard of him unless you're Polish or you really really like Polka Music for some reason)

Sort by Artist
 First: A'lea (she's a local artist we found singing at a party we crashed one weekend. You should definitely check her out... so good.)
Last: ZZ Top

Sort by Year
Earliest: 1908
Latest: 2007

Find the following words. How many songs show up?
Sex: 25
Death: 10
Love: 619
Hate: 8
You: 1160
Home: 96
Boy: 209
 Girl: 72
Rain: 100
Peace: 14
Sun: 100
First five songs that come up on Party Shuffle
  1. Boulevard of Broken Dreams, Green Day
  2. Half a Minute, Matt Bianco
  3. Gymnopedie #3, Eric Satie
  4. Old Home Filler Up and A Keep On A Truckin' Cafe, C. W. McCall
  5. Night and Day, Frank Sinatra

First five songs that come up on Random Shuffle
  1. Hard Habit to Break, Chicago
  2. Clair de Lune, Debussy
  3. In a Mellow Tone, Tony Bennett
  4. With Tears in My Eyes, Bob Willis and the Texas Playboys
  5. Chamber Mates, Paul Chambers

This next section is the iTunes equivilent of a Magic 8 Ball.
Set your playlist to random and answer these questions.
  • Will I get far in life? What Goes Around, Comes Around, Manhattan Transfer
  • How do my friends see me? Lonesome Hero, Mickey Hart
  • What's my theme song? You Are Love, Kathryn Grayson (Show Boat Soundtrack)
  • What is the story of my life? Deck the Halls, sung by Kids at the Beck Center for the Arts in Cleveland
  • What am I like in bed? Mean Low Blues, Blues Birdhead
  • How can I get ahead in life? AKA Driver, They Might Be Giants
  • What is my best feature? Romance in D-Flat Major, Jackson Berkey How is today going to be? Shoo Shoo Baby, The Andrews Sisters
  • What is in store for this weekend? Send My Body, Randy Travis
  • What is my life like at the moment? Allen Shore, Rush
  • What best described my secrets? Frankie and Johnny Were Lovers, Benny Goodman
  • What is my current love life? How Can I Ignore The Boy Next Door, Judy Garland
  • What song will they play at my funeral? Cordial a Leanbh (The Garton Mother's Lullaby), Hillary Field
  • How does the world see me? Mozart, No Problem Orchestra
  • Will I have a happy life? Ballybunion By The Sea, Pecker Dunne
  • What do my friends really think of me? My Favorite Things, Stanley Jordan
  • Do people secretly lust after me? Lady Lady, Babyface
  • Will I accomplish my goals in life? Go All Out, Rare Essence
  • Will I find true love? Talking in Your Sleep, The Romantics
  • How do I treat others? Pigs in Space, Mickey Hart
  • What type of men/women do I like? Mi Chiquita Quiereguarachar, Tito Puente
  • How does the world see me? The Bear Went Over the Mountain, Dumb & Dumber Soundtrack
  • Will I have a happy life? Blue Champagne, Manhattan Transfer
  • What do my friends really think of me? Stuff Like That There, Bette Midler
  • Do people secretly lust after me? Winter, Tori Amos
  • How can I make myself happy? N'Nang, The Voodoo Gang
  • What should I do with my life? I Found My Love in Avalon, Al Jolson
  • What is some good advice for me? Nice Work if You Can Get It, Fred Astaire
  • How will I be remembered? Feels Like Fire, Santana
  • What do I think my current theme song is? P.S., I Love You, Bette Midler
  • What does everyone else think my current theme song is? Woodchopper's Ball, Woody Herman
  • What song will play at my funeral? Nice Guy Finished Last, Green Day
  • What type of men/women do you like? Li'l Jack Horney, Extreme

I am amazed at how many of these seem appropriate. Maybe Presidents and heads of states should use the iTunes to solve all the world's problems.

And Finally...

How many total hours of listening? 60.4 Days (1449.6 hours)