I'm not going to get into how tired and cranky I am, because I pretty much whined about that once already this week. With great rage and apoplexy, here are my top Festivus grievances this year -- at least the ones that are suitable for the internet. You can play too if you like.
- When I wake up at four am and think I'm gonna steal a few precious, non-child-directed minutes of a movie I've been trying to watch with the volume turned down so low, I have to unplug the cooling fan that sits under my computer or I can't hear it... and then ten minutes later The Caterpillar wanders, bleary-eyed out of her room and won't go back to sleep.
- I have not been able to get time together to come up with an acceptable idea and design a Christmas card yet this year and now that I have a good one, I cannot get the online software at the print shop to accept my files.
- We sucked it up and purchased supplies to put new flooring down in the basement for our holiday we don't gotta go to work project. Then realized we had to empty the rooms of furniture, and then pull up the carpet, and then pull up the tiles under the carpet, and then while we have the bare floor, we might as well paint over all the patches that were fixed after that pipe burst, but before we can paint, then the walls need to be retexturized, and then trim that we never finished should be touched up, and then we have to get rid of the broken boxspring under the bed, and then we need a thing to put the bed on so we bought a Murphy bed kit, and then... and then... and then... It's all necessary and/or logical of course, but I just wanted to put in a new floor; I didn't want to rebuild the entire house.
- The Caterpillar prefers to be watching TV from the floor directly in front of the television, on her back with her feet bicycling in the air above her. So you either have to watch TV with the distraction of her constantly writing around below it in your peripheral vision, or you have to yell at her to move about eleventy-bajillion times throughout whatever you're trying to watch, which is equally as distracting.
- Oatmeal cookies... with raisins.
- That anyone is interested in bad reality TV shows - which we all know are more fiction than reality anyway - and what their overpaid actors think about anything.
- At some point in the past five years, I've grown to assume that everything is a touch screen device. It's awkward at times.
- Poor toilet paper roll holder placement in public restrooms.
- Twerking... and twerkers.
- People who say, "see you next year" when you won't see them for a week before January first.
- This woman.
- That Jingle Bells Batman Smells song and that fact that my children and my husband argue over the correct version of the lyrics.
- Half the things on my six year old's Christmas list are as-seen-on-TV products.