Ohmigosh, you guys. You know what happened this week? 



I am as shocked as you are.

Especially since last year, I gave it explicit directions not to get any older after five. When do they learn to mind?

Funny story about this year's birthday. Many weeks back, we discussed birthday plans and each of The Ankle Biters said they preferred to go on an excursion rather than to have an actual party.  As a parent and social recluse, this is MUSIC TO MY EARS.  No people in my house? SURE! No need to clean the post-party destruction? OF COURSE! No other people's bratty kids to herd around? YES, PLEASE! No need to make small talk with parents I barely know because our kids happen to be the same age? SHOW ME WHERE TO SIGN! 

I don't care how much more a trip for their birthday would cost than throwing a party; I will do it every time. (And usually it costs a lot less.)  And that is why by the end of October this year, we will have made three trips to the Pennsylvania Renaissance Fair.

The Caterpillar had her special weekend there last week. But we didn't have cake then so the night before her actual birthday, I decided to throw a little impromptu Cake Event.  Nothing special. We invited neighbors to come over for dinner and said we'd have cake for dessert. And then I thought it would be funny to let her think I'd forgotten the cake or her actual birthday at all (because YES, I AM A MONSTER) and have cake and neighbors just be in our house when she came home from dance class that night to surprise her.  And then I thought it'd be nice to have a decoration or two and maybe she could have at least one present to open on her birthday and The KingofHearts decided to make her a treasure map to find her gifts and that's how her Not-Party turned into party number two in five days.

Sigh. I have absolutely no willpower.

In the car on the way from dance class that evening was the first time I think she realized that we actually didn't do anything on her birthday and she got pretty despondent over the whole thing.

"I thought birthdays were supposed to have decorations, and balloons and cake and presents with bows on them."

"But we talked about this and you decided you wanted to go to the Renaissance Fair instead of have a party."

"I know."

"And did you go to the Ren. Fair?"


"And did you have fun?"

*heavy sigh* "Yes."

"So that was your party, right?"

"I know. I just thought today would be different."

"Hmm... well, maybe next year you make a different choice then."

I may have also said something about how no one threw me a party on my birthday as well (see above re: MONSTER); I'm not one hundred percent sure.

Anyway, when she came home, she was greeted by a dark house, so I let her go inside first and six people jumped out to yell "surprise," which scared her half to death and then we laughed and laughed.  Again, MONSTER.

When she recovered from her shock, she found decorations,  

and balloons, 

a new friend I ordered online for Halloween (see above re: no willpower),

who was holding a treasure map.

And then she had to go on a treasure hunt to find her presents because Daddy had buried them all in the backyard. 

No seriously.

There was also cake.

Weeks back, when I asked her what kind of cake she wanted, she said, "A pirate ship cake. Like you made before."

Now, I love the pirate-birthday thing. And her pirate cakes are some of my favorite cakes ever. And the day we planned to go to the Renaissance Fair just happened to be pirate weekend.  But I've known for awhile that I wouldn't be able to force my weird obsessions on her forever and I thought that maybe she was over the pirate-themed birthday stuff or at least would like to choose her own theme.  So when she said she wanted a pirate ship cake, I offered, 

"You know you don't always have to have a pirate birthday party. It could be any kind of party you like.  You could have a princess party. Or a kitty-cat party. Or some other kind of party."

She looked at me, then looked at the ground and muttered, 

"But I like pirates."

"Well, pirates it is, then!"

No holds barred now.

I didn't exactly have time to make another pirate ship cake, so I made an eye patch cake.

I know. It's not my best work. I don't want to talk about it.

I also don't want to talk about the after effects of black icing.


Or what happens when you let two six year olds play with pirate action figures near a half-eaten cake.

Or why my six year old appears to be trying to moon me in this photo.

Avast, ye landlubbers!