We've been playing a valiant game of what I like to refer to as "Appliance Chicken" for the past two years.  

Basically, this is when you have two to three major appliances/purchases that are on their last legs and you know you will have to replace them all eventually.  But you don't want to replace, say, the stove that has two burners you have to light by hand, because you know that the moment you do that, the dryer that still turns but doesn't really heat right will blow up into an enormous ball of flame the next day.*  And if you replace the dryer instead of the stove, then the couch that sags in the center** and possibly has something living inside it will collapse and burst forth with an alien-like entity that will eat your children and then squat in your basement for millennia.

So instead, you just do nothing, waiting until one of them breaks totally and completely and you HAVE to replace it. Then you will know that the decision of which one to replace first was the right choice. And you will feel good about yourself.

We tried to stave off the isn't it ironic gods series of bummers this holiday weekend by purchasing both a couch AND a stove.  We made that decision based on the rationale that if the dryer were to break we could always hang clothes on a clothesline to dry. Then I found a length of rope from the basement and placed it outside on the deck where I would set up our "clothesline" as a symbolic gesture to the universe.

Alice to Universe:  "ha HA! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT, UNIVERSE?"

The universe spoke back because two days later, before both of the purchased items had even been delivered, The KingofHearts' car broke down and required over $500 in repairs.

Universe to Alice: "GOTCHA BITCH."

Right now we are still waiting for sofa delivery, but we pulled all the furniture out of the living room so we could clean the carpets before it got here.  I think I like my living room better like this:


I know The Caterpillar likes our front yard better like this:

If this photo had audio it would sound something like this:

"You'd better be careful or you're gonna fall off that couch."

"This. Is. MY BEST DAY EVER!!! *jump jump* My best day ever! *jump jump* My best day ever! *jump jump* My best day ever! *jump jump* My best day ever! *thud*"

"I think her best day ever just became slightly less by comparison."

Also, if you were shopping in any furniture store this weekend and happened to see a couple and two kids sitting on every sofa set they saw and then testing them out to see if they "worked," you were probably treated to this view:


Because, clearly, you gotta practice the moves you'd use in your native environment to see if the sofa is really comfortable.

KingofHearts to Universe:  "You're welcome."



*Aside: we bought that dryer for $35 at a yard sale more than fifteen years ago.  WHY CAN'T I EVER GET MY MONEY'S WORTH OUT OF A PURCHASE?!?
**Other aside: Wanna know how old that living room set is? We bought it at Montgomery Wards.***

***If your response to that is 'Who is Montgomery Ward?' You are too young and we can no longer be friends.