How to Kill a Sunday Afternoon

Step 1. Gather kids and husband. Say to kids and husband, "I bet you I can cut a watermelon in half using only rubber bands."

Step 2. Watch while family scoffs and declares you crazy.

Step 3. Produce watermelon.

And large bag of rubber bands.

Step 4.  Wrap rubber bands around middle of watermelon.

Ask kids to count rubber bands.

Step 5. Add more rubber bands. And more rubber bands.  And more rubber bands.

Step 6. Realize this is taking way too long.  Try to add rubber bands in groups of fives.  Realize five heavy duty rubber bands is too many to stretch at once. Tell kids it's time to learn to count by fours.  See? It's not wasteful, it's educational.

Step 7.  Continue adding rubber bands. Begin to notice a change in watermelon shape.

Step 8.  Continue adding rubber bands.  Realize watermelon is now sweating juice from its pores.  Wash hands several times.

Step 9.  Begin to video tape final exciting climax.  Realize you have just run camera out of batteries.  Switch to camera phone. Decide against video because extra set of hands is needed to steady watermelon during rubber band installation phase.  Also because hands are still covered in watermelon blood and phone is not watermelon-juice-proof.

Step. 10.  Add two hundred, thirty-eighth rubber band.

Step 11.  Duck as top half of watermelon pops off and flies across deck, nearly taking out beloved rosemary tree. Retrieve halves for photo opportunity. Marvel at perfectness of halves.  Claim to have expected this all along when really, you just thought it would be crushed into four or five unruly pieces.

Step 12. Retrieve what is now a single giant rubber band ball.

Step 13. Feed watermelon halves to Shortlings.  (You didn't think we were gonna waste it did you?)  Call this dinner.

And drinks.

Step 13. Treat blisters on husband's hands from wrapping 238 rubber bands around a watermelon.  For fun.  Consider how weird this will look when posting on a blog later.  Share stupid quirks and dumb ideas to entertain self and children with world anyway.  Why start hiding it now?