Posted on
1/27/2014 02:32:00 PM
- by NG
We decided to get a new car last week.
And by "car," I mean, something I refuse to call a sport utility vehicle because a real man knows a station wagon when he sees one.
And by "we," I mean The KoH.
And by "new," I mean new to us because I haven't purchased a new car since 1990 when you could actually get a new car for six grand.
And by "decided" I mean, the old car gave up the ghost and we pretty much had to end the Game Of Chicken we've been playing with The Universe about which of our crappy cars needed to be replaced first. My biggest fear was that we'd replace my car and then his would immediately die. Or vice versa.
But then we had to travel on Christmas day with short notice, which cost an arm and a leg and two more arms and seven more legs and we only have eight legs to work with unless you count the cats and I'm pretty sure a cat leg is less valuable than a human leg, so we decided not to do anything about the new car at all. Instead we would just wait until one of them did actually die and that would force our hand... which happened about one week after we got back from our trip.
Me to universe: "Suck it Universe, we win! Or... kinda.... somewhat."
Universe to me: "Oh you think you can win in a Game Of Chicken with The Universe? Think again."
Because about two days after the newish car was brought home, our washing machine started leaking. Which was good because it meant the water in our basement was COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!, but bad because it meant we needed a new washing machine.
It's like a washing machine you bought for $35 at a garage sale seventeen years ago isn't built to last anymore. Geez.
And then we needed a new dryer too because the one we bought for $50 at a garage sale seventeen years ago has been making noises like a cat had gotten stuck inside it and we have just been ignoring that by closing the basement door and leaving some food on the floor underneath the dryer for months. Or years. I forget which. So we got a new washer/dryer set... or newish, thanks to Craigslist, because, honestly.
This is all to explain why I need to call a doctor because we are HEMORRHAGING MONEY.
I have been trying to make the best of it by messing with The KoH's car when he's not looking.
Because he got a new car and I did not.
Also, because I think it hates me. This is what it told me the first time I drove it.
Incidentally, that package of car auto lashes came with this insert and because find it hilarious, I shall now type out the marketing blurb that is shown prominently on the cover sheet.
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| Etle all the "under" installed,just need to put the torn paper will be posted on its headlights on you.your headlights when he put up a scroll Etle of all the eyelashes,it is in fine fettle,inspirited,love the charm,and became a power in the road goes,there will be very high Turns head looked |
I have no response to that.
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Posted on
1/23/2014 09:15:00 AM
- by NG
The Shortlings wrote out, and added to, their Letters to Santa/Wish List Of Things They'd Like For Christmas throughout the entire month of December. They started with a modest list of one or two things and then every time they saw a commercial on television, they immediately ran to the kitchen table to add that item to their list. My intention was to take a photo of these lists, but then I realized that they read like an airline pilot's protocol handbook (Aside: how much do you want to read a book titled Cockpit Confidential? Because I know I do.) and are so detailed and lengthy, a photograph wouldn't communicate it properly.
As such, these lists weren't exactly representative of things they really wanted, but rather a documentation of their streams of consciousness throughout the holiday season. If Santa wanted to learn anything about their true desires, he would have had to sift through their lists and extrapolate from things they actually talked about for more than five minutes to figure out which items were things that they really wanted vs. things that Big Advertising had downloaded directly into their brains.
I looked at The Caterpillar's list multiple times before I realized, toward the end of the month, that she'd helpfully divided her list into three sections: "Toys," "Pets," and "Other."
The Toys section had the obvious things; I won't bother you with that one.
The Other section contained items that are totallynottoys, like Heelys, Tinkerbell's Pixie Camper, Cool Baker, something that says "Bots with Tall Heels" which I have yet to figure out, a bell from Santa's sleigh, and A Rainbow.
A few days later, I realized that under Pets, she had written, "A Girl Green Anole" which might be a bad idea since The Dormouse already has a boy, "A Hamster" and "Pink Furbee."
Santa brought her a pet of the non-living variety in the form of an electronic pet that won't ever shut up, but when I got up this morning and found her pulling cotton balls out of the bag, naming them, and making leashes for each one, I wondered if we should have maybe paid more attention to her live pet requests.
Weirdo.
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Posted on
1/22/2014 05:01:00 PM
- by NG
I'm sure that as soon as I admit this, there will be a great swell from the interwebs and an uprising will begin, but I actually love winter and snow and everything that goes along with it. I might feel differently if I lived somewhere else where winter lasts longer, or if I'd ever seen snow growing up, but even the worst snowstorm we get here is almost always is followed by a quick thaw and clear roads quickly thereafter so I can still allow myself the luxury of getting excited like a kid whenever I hear snow is in the forecast. Even when it means it brings the entire city to its knees.
This morning, I woke up and opened the back door to survey the new fallen snow over my back yard to see this:
The entire inside of the storm door was completely iced over. And you know what? Even that was beautiful. But I think I need some new weatherstripping.
What I'm not too excited about is spending day six with The Shortlings out of school and inside the house. It's not all due to the snow. Friday was a teacher planning day. Monday was a holiday. Tuesday, school was legitimately closed; it was actually snowing. Today was cold, but sunny and beautiful, but it was the requisite we're still closing even though there's no good reason for it day. So I can't really blame it all on winter. More on winter's poor planning.
Yesterday, while the snow was still falling, the cats spied this guy sitting on the telephone wire outside the window and tried to claw the glass out to get to him.
I opened the door a crack and he perked up a little, but wasn't really worried.
Basically, both the cats and the kids operate in the same fashion: clamor and whine for hours begging to go out and play in the snow, then when the door is finally opened and they are tossed outside, walk five steps into the white stuff, freeze, and gingerly turn around to come back inside, stepping exactly in the center of each of the five footprints.
I timed The Shortlings' "snow time" today: four minutes.
My kids are wussies.
So are my cats.
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Posted on
1/14/2014 11:05:00 AM
- by NG
This week I uncharacteristically allowed The Dormouse to take some pictures with my camera while we were waiting for a event I was photographing to start. It's not that I don't trust her with it, nor that I think she shouldn't have the experience of using a real camera, I just can't stand the thought of "Can I use your camera, mom? Can I use your camera, mom? Can I use your camera, mom? Can I use your camera, mom?" every five minutes for the next six months and whenever I cave and let her use my phone, Kindle, camera, [insert technological device name here], that's exactly what happens. Even if she qualifies every request with "just this once." It's like with an addict, you don't let an addict have just a little taste to take the edge off, "just this once" because you know within a surprisingly short period of time, you'll be carting them off to rehab at your own expense.
Anyway, she ran around and took a bunch of photos of the Christmas tree that is inexplicably still up in our church foyer and some of them are pretty good.
Although the excellent clarity on this one highlights the horrible plastic tree they insist on keeping year after year at this church.
I love giving kids a camera because there's always a new perspective on things.
Now to prepare myself for "Can I use your camera, mom? Can I use your camera, mom? Can I use your camera, mom? Can I use your camera, mom?" for the first half of 2014.
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Posted on
1/11/2014 07:35:00 AM
- by NG
This is the first year we didn't actually make it to see Santa in any official capacity with fancy outfits. Next year on December first, I plan to unplug the phone, draw the blinds and turn off the lights and pretend we are out of town until January first. That way we might have some control over the comings and goings our holiday. But we did happen by Santa on a street corner, so at least we didn't miss him altogether. Posting for posterity.
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