Hey, everybody, the memory on my phone is full.  You know what that means? Another issue of "stuff I found on my phone."

Every morning this summer, I've driven The Shortlings to camp across this one lane bridge.  Sometimes I have to stop for the camp counselors to cross at the crosswalk.  Sometimes I have to stop for campers.  They always cross in an orderly fashion, single file and I point out to The Shortlings how well behaved everyone is here while crossing in the crosswalk.  Man, they even have the geese well-trained at this camp.

Whose weird kid is walking around the grocery store with a box for a hat?

Oh right.

This is possibly the best swag I've ever seen sold at a Shakespeare performance.

I love that The KingofHearts knows me well enough to bring back awesome souvenirs from his out of town trips.  And he knows that I don't really care that they started out as trash from his brother's garage.

I went over to Monica's the other day and helped her remove her carpet, unbeknownst to everyone else in the house when they came home from their day.  The good news is what we were all hoping for came true: there were fancy hardwoods underneath that carpet. So we just put all the furniture back in place and wondered at our luck.

I'm  sure it was quite a surprise to Monica's husband, who suspected something was up when I showed at their house in the early morning before he left for work, but didn't know what it would be. I can only imagine what he felt like.  Then I came home a couple of days later to this:

Touché, Pussycat.

The most talked about thing in D.C. lately isn't sequestration or congressional gridlock, it's the Corpse Flower at the Botanical Gardens.

Sadly, it didn't smell any more by the time I got there. Too slow, chicken marengo.

My tomato garden has gone crazy this summer and I don't know quite what to do with all the yield.  We've eaten enough caprese salad of every shape and presentation to choke a horse and the tomatoes were going bad.  So finally I had to consider something with a lot of preservatives in it.

I turned this:

  Into this:

But before I put everything into jars, I needed a large bowl to mix it all in.  So I washed out the only useful container I could find of that size.

My friend's smart ass response: "Wow your cat eats a lot of salsa."

Arachnophobia, anyone?

Gee, I'm sorry your puppy was drinking from that pond contaminated with nuclear waste, lady.

I keep hearing about Justin Beiber's Girlfriend and in a department store the other day, I decided to stop for a second to find out what Justin Beiber's Girlfriend smells like.

As it turns out, she kinda smells like a mixture of teenage desperation and ass.