Last year we were invited to St. Patrick's Day dinner at the house of an acquaintance at church. They promised corned beef and cabbage and even though I didn't know these people well, I agreed because they were Irish and CORNED BEEF.
I don't know if I've appropriately conveyed the concept of just how much of a hermit I am here on this blog, but I didn't really want to go because of how much of a hermit I am. There. The KingofHearts has tried over the years to get me to be a social kind of person and honestly, it's a lost cause.
KoH: "They invited us for dinner."
Me: "Why? We have food here."
KoH: "Because it's a social kind of thing to do and because they maybe think of us as friends or want to get to know us better and they seem like nice people so maybe we should go and make a new friend."
Me: "I don't need another friend. I have two!"
KoH: "Sorry, we're going. Did I mention they're serving corned beef?"
So The KingofHearts went to get to know our possibly-new-friends better and I went to eat corned beef. Only when we got there, we realized we'd been duped because they'd just gone and invited everyone on the husband's I gotta visit these people list at church. So we were not possibly new friends, but rather, check their names off the list for the month acquaintances. We walked in the door and saw about four other families there and all their screaming kids and then I spied a woman who really annoys the both of us because she's kind of dumb and thinks the world revolves around her and I looked over my shoulder at The KoH and he just gave me a wild-eyed look, to which I said back, "Uhmmm hmmmm."
So then we were stuck there but he reminded me CORNED BEEF and also I couldn't think of a good excuse to turn around and leave two minutes after walking through the door.
We sat down to dinner and Annoying Lady sat right next to me and started yammering on about one thing or another until the hosts brought out this amazing platter of corned beef and cabbage and started dishing it out and she took one bite and asked, "Where's the corn?"
We all looked around. The host said, "Oh, didn't I bring your dish out?" assuming she was talking about the side dish we were all asked to contribute to the meal.
"No, I mean, where's the corn?"
The host didn't realize what she meant. But I did.
Host: "I don't think anyone brought any corn."
"No, in the beef."
"Isn't this corned beef?"
"So where's the corn?"
Host suddenly realizing what I already knew: "Ooooh. No, there's no corn in the corned beef."
"Oh, do you not like corn?"
Host: "No, that's not what corned beef is. It doesn't have corn in it, you brine the meat."
"YOU PUT SHRIMP IN IT?!?"
And that's when I won Saint Patrick's Day because I. Did. Not. Say. Anything.