Showing posts with label Christmas cards. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas cards. Show all posts

Christmas 2016

Posted on 12/22/2016 10:14:00 AM In:
Good gravy, will this year never end?

*sigh*

I suppose I should document our Christmas cards this year.

Outside: 
Inside:

We had the most fun staging this photo, because it's not often that you get to drop a giant tree on your children and then tell them to move this way and that because they don't look dead enough.


Last year, we bought a tree and argued about the height of it because we always end up getting a tree that's too big for the room once you put it in the tree stand. Now we have "fourteen-foot ceilings," as he keeps putting it, so we got a much bigger tree than prior years, but I still kept saying certain trees were too tall and we should pick a shorter one because The KingofHearts keeps forgetting that the fourteen-foot point of our ceiling has a wall attached to it and the rest slopes downward, so it's not actually fourteen feet.  We took the tree home and put it up and I made the mistake of saying out loud that we actually could have gone a little bit bigger with the tree.  That was the living end for The KoH and he told that story about the next eleven months about how I was Wrongy Wrongerson from Wrongsville, Wrongington and I said we had to have a shorter tree, but the second we put it up, I totally agreed with him and he was right and he'll never listen to me again.

So this year, I said nothing about height of the tree. No. Thing. 

I let them pick the tree they wanted and thought would fit.

Here it is in all its glory:


This was after he cut like three feet off the bottom.  If it seems like it's bending to the will of the ceiling, you're right, it is.  We cut the tip off [insert circumcision joke here] shortly after the photo was taken.

Because as it turns out, see that sloped ceiling?  There's only about ten feet from the ceiling to the floor if you want to actually put the tree in a place where you might actually be able to walk around it or where it's not spreading its branches into the fireplace... which... I'm no fireman, but seems like a bad idea to me.

But either way, it's gorgeous and I love it.  Even if the star has to be attached six inches lower than the top of the tree.



We are having a lovely holiday season, despite the fact that 2016 has treated us like a horse that was rode hard and put away wet.

I might have shared this gif sometime last year, because there is no more appropriate image I have yet seen that describes how awful 2015 was for me. If I were to make a gif for 2016, it'd just be me continuing to bounce around at the bottom of the slide some more, and maybe a six year old wanders up and kicks me in the ribs a couple of times. 

I'm looking forward to a much better 2017.  It has to get better, right?

Please?

Bonus beautiful kids picture that we couldn't quite make work for a Christmas card.




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Christmas 2015

Posted on 12/24/2015 02:33:00 PM In: ,
I did manage to get it together to create and order Christmas cards in plenty of time to mail this year and have them arrive in people's mailboxes before Christmas... but only just.  Then the printer was apparently surprised by the fact that this is a big time of year for holiday cards and there was a delay in delivering them to me.  I got them out of the mailbox and within about twenty minutes put them right back in, which might be the shortest turn around time ever.  So some people might have received this card, some maybe not just yet, I don't know.  It seems about par for all my cunning plans this year, so I'm going to just lean into the skid.

Our new next door neighbors came over this year to tell me this was funniest Christmas card they've ever seen, to which, I replied, "Oh honey, this isn't even my best work."

We had a few other ideas for this year's card, but they were all fairly labor intensive and we pretty much ran out of time for accomplishing them.  I'm going to keep them to myself, because I reserve the right to recycle this idea for next year, when we have a ton of extra time on our hands. 

Oh, who am I kidding?  That is never gonna happen.


These aren't great quality because I had to scan the actual card for the blog here.  I took the shortcut and used a format that was already available on the make-your-own -card website instead of, you know, making my own card, and uploading that to the website like I usually do.  Probably won't do that again because of this reason right here. I wasn't particularly happy with the card stock this year and the scans are terrible.  So I'll post the actual picture too, but my eyes are pretty bad right now and there are a dozen or more pictures of us mugging, so I'm just going to upload the most likely candidates.  Plus a few rejected ones.






And then there is this weird one, which, I personally don't think is our family at all.




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Christmas 2014

Posted on 12/13/2014 07:18:00 PM In:
I had the idea for this photo on this card quite awhile ago, maybe even last year; I just could never come up with the caption inside in a way that was brilliant or made sense.  Then this year came around and I still couldn't come up with anything clever, so I just relied on my weird, genetically predisposed, quirk of knowing every movie made before my birth, but not so much what's in the running for this year's Academy awards.  In the end I just put my kids in the Robert Mitchum role and stole the title.  So if you're older than me, you're going to get the joke right away.  If you're my age, and watch too much reality television, you're going to think I stole the idea from Duff Goldman.  If you're younger than me, you probably are too busy texty-talking on your smarty-phone to care one way or another.

The best part of this year's Christmas card was that it took a sum total of one hour to plan, pose, take the picture, Photoshop and upload to Snapfish to place a card order.  The cards arrived neatly packaged in the mail four days later and I stuck labels and stamps on.  I love love love how little time this took because I am LAZY. 







If you, like some of my family, take exception to the "Happy holidays" on the inside of the card, may I remember you to the fact that we are also wishing you a Happy New Year, so whatever holiday you celebrate, this is basically the plus one.  Also that word holiday comes from the Old English word hāligdæg (hālig "holy" + dæg "day"). The word originally referred only to special religious days. In modern use, it means any special day of rest or relaxation, as opposed to normal days away from work or school.  So if you like, you can consider that I've wished you a happy Holy Day, rather than declared war on Christmas.  Does that make you happy, Kirk Cameron?

I took a total of seven pictures and the first one I snapped ended up being the best one. But some of the others are quite fun, if only because of the expressions on The Caterpillar's face when I told her to "look menacing."  So here are extra bonus shots for you, internets.  Because you're so special to me.

Merry holidays from all of us, but mostly these two hoodlums.





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Christmas 2013

Posted on 12/25/2013 04:00:00 AM In:
It took me way too long this year to both generate an idea for and execute Christmas cards this year, but we had a little sheltered workshop the day before yesterday and I'm pleased to announce that we mailed cards almost two whole days before Christmas this year.  That counts, right?  I'm totally counting that.  

Perhaps we should start considering now what we shall do next year because based on this year's card, we'll need the time.

We are having a non-traditional Christmas today and trying to make the best of it... reminding ourselves that the real gift of the holiday is spending time together, even if that time together includes being stuck in the same room with a six year old who seems to feel that she cannot be fully alive unless she is making extraneous, non-purposeful noise every second.

Hope everyone out there is having a wonderful day, however you choose to celebrate.




 

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Christmas 2012

Posted on 12/22/2012 01:00:00 AM In:

Well, if you're reading this, that means the Mayan Calendar was not correct and the world probably did not end anytime on December 21, 2012 when a 12th planet in our solar system, called Nibiru which orbits the sun every 3,600 years, rammed into the Earth to destroy it. It's actually pretty disappointing because I was counting on not having to live past the end of December this year and now I gotta go get some Christmas presents.

For some reason, we got it together this year and I'm pleased to say that our Christmas cards were not only mailed before Christmas, but well before Christmas.  I know this might be on the verge of boastfulness and there's supposed to be something wrong with that, but it might be the only thing I do right this holiday season, so let me revel in my accomplishments (and the fact that I found a 50% off coupon so the ridiculous amount of cards I print didn't break us). 




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Lastmas

Posted on 1/12/2012 10:36:00 AM In: ,

Merry Christmas everybody!

OK, it's not just the cough medicine talking; I am aware that Christmas has passed us by.  I believe I remember telling everyone that Christmas, and really 2011 in general, kicked my butt this year.  So despite our best intentions, we never even got around to our favorite of all December traditions: the annual making and distribution of the snarky Christmas card.  I did hear from many people with concerns about whether or not they were removed from our Christmas mailing list, and if you're one of those people who felt slighted, let me just say it's not you, it's me. There's a very good reason why you didn't get a Christmas card from us this year:

I suck.  The end.

The Shortlings absolutely love a Christmas book that was given to us a few years ago where the main character, Mr. Moose, was so involved in trying to make Christmas perfectly perfect that he forgot to get a tree until Christmas Eve.  All the trees were gone by that time, so he stuck out his arms and let his family decorate him instead. While we were putting away the Christmas decorations, the girls created an hommage to the book and I grabbed a camera, thinking it might be a good opportunity to send "New Year" cards instead.  Given the last year of my life, I say that'll do, pig, that'll do.   

Happy 2012, and here's hoping we all have enough antidepressants to get through it.

Full disclosure: I'm not happy with the photo and how it came out on the printed card.  It's much too dark, but the delicious irony coupled with the fact that this also falls right in line with how crappy 2011 was for me, was enough that I didn't even complain to the printing company; I just dropped them in the mail with no explanation.  When faced with righteous indignation and lots of work vs. procrastination and laziness, laziness wins out every time.

This is what the photo should have looked like


Sometimes people ask me about taking pictures of kids and how I get mine to be so photogenic.  Get ready, because I'm about to share a little-known photographers' secret with you: 

digital cameras.

You see, back in draconian times, you either had to install your own darkroom on top of the chest freezer in your laundry room (don't mock me) or (gasp) PAY for every developed photograph in order to see it.  Either way, it was a lot of expense and work and it forced you to be judicious about your shutter clicks.  With the advent of digital cameras, you can take literally hundreds of pictures and then pick out the one or two from that hundred that actually worked.  Show off only the good photos and suddenly, your kids are the most photogenic on the block.  

Add in a few Photoshop skills picked up from the interweb and viola, you are the envy of amateur photographers everywhere.  (Professionals know you're just a bum with a medium-priced camera; you can't fool them.)  You just have to be willing to spend inordinate amounts of time ignoring your kids while clicking through photos on a monitor to delete the scores of pictures that you screwed up in one way or another. 

Here's the SOOC shot above.  Un-cropped.  Un-altered.


It's an okay photo, but much better with a little Photoshop magic, right?  Imagine what one could do if one ever read the manual.  At least I think there's a manual.

But, even more importantly, here are just a few of the photos that didn't make the cut at all.

You might have to enlarge to see why this one was rejected.  The Caterpillar was simply not having a photo shoot that day and she actually has a cartoon frown on her face.

"Look at the camera, honey."  "Ummm... No."

The Dormouse tries to hold The Caterpillar's head up to get her to look at the camera.  Not only is the illusion of the Christmas Tree entirely gone, but this made The Caterpillar even madder, which no one thought was possible.

Chalk this one up to Playing With Exposure/Photographer Doesn't Know Basic Shutter Speed Settings.

Caterpillar decides she is done with the event and starts to take off lights.  Also: WILL SOMEONE GET THAT CAT OUT OF THE WAY?!? (Many more photos rejected due to cat interference.)

Everyone yells, "No, NO!  Don't take them off yet!!"  Caterpillar begins to cry.  Moments of consoling to follow.  Also to notice: cat ear in foreground of following several photos.

Finally convince Caterpillar to play along (upside down smile notwithstanding) and get her to hold up her arms.  Dormouse moves so head is blurry.

Caterpillar losing patience again.  Dormouse talking while photo is taken, providing chipmunk-like cheeks.

Telephone rings.  Dormouse looks toward phone.

Dormouse's face almost completely obscured.  This appears to be the closest thing we're going to get in the way of happiness from The Caterpillar.

Both of them look like they've been placed in a torture chamber.  Not entirely sure they're wrong.

This is the only photo of the day where The Caterpillar smiled.  Idiot photographer couldn't hold still and so the whole picture is blurry.

There were at least two dozen more that I didn't bother to post here, all taken within the eight minutes of the entire photo shoot from beginning to end.  

So you see, folks?  The key to good photography is persistence, devotion to the craft, and a dogged determination to make your children miserable.  

Now go forth and create.

This is actually my favorite photo of the day, but I knew it would be too dark for the card, so it was rejected for print.


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Silent Night

Posted on 12/25/2010 06:17:00 AM In:
Last year, I let you in on our Christmas card tradition of putting everyone else's cards to shame. Of course I've offended a few people with my cards, but each year I get at least one letter early in the season that says something to the effect of, "I want to let you know that we've moved and give you my new address because your Christmas cards are always the best of the season and I don't want to miss out."

That's right baby.

So here you go, blogland. Christmas 2010:


Special bonus photo not available to snail-mailers:*

And just case you are one of those who will be offended by this card because we are using our children for our own amusement, let me let you in on the fact that turnabout is fair play in our house.


Hope your holidays are quieter than mine will be because that tape doesn't last for long.


*See how I love you, internets?

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Year End Letter

Posted on 12/26/2009 03:48:00 PM In:
Let's have just one more post about Christmas cards and letters, shall we?



(I tried to find the text for the lyrics to post here, but can't seem to... too new maybe? Maybe we can get them to post their lyrics somewhere.)

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Inappropriate Christmas Wishes

Posted on 12/25/2009 07:26:00 AM In:

May your holidays be filled with
peace, joy and an abundance
of inappropriate laughter.




Merry Christmas to all!

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House of Cards - 2005 - 2008

Posted on 12/24/2009 01:19:00 PM In:
Yeah, I know I'm coping out by putting all the rest of these into just one post, but around here is where I started the blog and I'm going to just link to the ones that are posted here. Deal.

2005
was the year Monica got me into scrap booking, the evil bitch. It was a short-lived hobby that lasted exactly long enough for The Dormouse to grow to reach the table and get into every piece of paper and scissor I ever owned or thought of owning. I then put the hobby away for... oh... eight or ten years.

I spent a lot of time making cute handmade cards out of cutouts and buttons. Apparently forgetting
my previous vow to never make a Christmas card the required gluing again, I made a winter scene with snowflake cutouts on decorative paper, then I hot glued three different sized buttons onto the card to make a snowman. The inside of the card said, "It's wintertime... button down the hatches." I know. Waaaay to cutesy a card for me. I have looked everywhere but cannot find a single example of these cards. If you have one, I would really appreciate it if you would send it back to me... even if it's just so I can scan it and return it to you. It bugs me that I'm missing it in my Christmas card annals. And before my husband comments with some snarky remark about my anal-retentiveness, I'm not anal-retentive... I'm a complete-ist.

Edited to add: Hey looky there, someone did keep it! It's probably no surprise that a person with whom I share DNA kept a Christmas card from three years ago. Sad, really.


I'm just now remembering that every single one of these cards was completely different. This tires me. It also appears they didn't hold up in the mail well.

2005 was also the year I re-vowed to never do a Christmas card again that required a lot of gluing as after this venture, I no longer had finger prints.


2006
was the first year I re-posted a Christmas card on this blog. You can see it here.

This one is probably the card I've made that is the most talked and appreciated among my family members. Unfortunately, it will probably be the last to fit into that category.


2007
's card was not posted on this blog because it was very conceptual in nature and didn't lend itself to blog posting. I no longer have a complete version of the card, but I can give you the gist of it. We created a "build your own snowman" card, where the front of the card was cutout and attached on the inside of the front to show through the cutout was this:


Then on the inside of the card, was the following poem:

For years now, we have labored
To make your Christmas card

We've stamped & glued & photographed

And worked our scissors hard.

This year we need a rest.

We hope you'll help us out.

Just take what we've enclosed here,

And you won't go without.


A decoration for your tree

Was our cunning master plan.

So use the pieces that we made

To build yourself a snowman.

We wracked our brains for other ways,
We covered all the outs and ins.

But all that we came up with
Was this snow job from us has-beens.


Happy Snowman Making!

Then you could take out all the pieces and put it together. Like so:



Some of my friends and family members (who shall remain nameless) made inappropriate snowmen and sent me pictures. Shame on you all! Also, if you still have the pictures, please send them to me again because I lost them and I want a copy... you know... because it was so childish and totally not funny at all.

Edited to add: ...and of course some of those nameless people had those pictures handy and immediately sent them along too. The difference between me and them is I may have saved all this stuff, but I wouldn't have a clue how to find it in under six months.



Ironically, this "do it yourself" card, was more work than all the other cards I've made in the past ten years... combined. I clearly needed more than just a "no-gluing" rule.


2008
was one of my favorites. Here it is.

OK - there you go. That's an entire decade - give or take a couple of years - of Christmas cards. If you want to see this year's card, tune in tomorrow.

Merry Christmas Eve.

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