Showing posts with label I ♥ the Internet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I ♥ the Internet. Show all posts
At church right now, there are more expectant mothers than you can shake a pregnancy test stick at.  I've been carefully avoiding the weekly emails for baby shower after baby shower because in most cases, I couldn't pick the person out of a line up if I had been mugged by her that morning.  But I knew I had to end up knowing one of them, eventually.  In fact, the latest one, I work with rather closely because she helps me teach the teenage girls.  So not only was I invited to the shower, but all the girls I work with were invited too.  And as the default person who does such things I wanted to help them create a baby shower gift they could give to her as a group.  The last time someone had a baby, we had the girls tie her a quilt.  The finished product was passable, but nothing special.  And really, I was given about eighty-eleven quilts at The Dormouse's baby shower, all of which I appreciated, but only about half of which I was actually able to use unless I was building a blanket fort.  So I really wanted something more useful - or at least more unique - for these girls to work together to create.  

Enter, the diaper bouquet.  Oh how I love the internet.

I've made diaper cakes before, but that's more a one person job.  This was awesome because the girls could all work on it at the same time.

Here's what I used:
  • two packages of newborn sized diapers (I bought one package of forty, then ran out and had to go buy another which I used about half of - so probably about sixty total diapers)
  • heavy glass vase ($4 at the craft store)
  • 4 inch Styrofoam ball (or whatever size just looks right)
  • Styrofoam cone (mostly big enough to fit the inside of the vase)
  • clear elastic bands
  • florist's plant stakes (or wooden dowels)
  • random ribbon or what have you

Basically, you stick the cone into the vase upside down and cut it to fit if necessary.  You'll want it to fit snugly so it won't wobble.  Once I sized the cone to the vase, I wrapped the cone up with a wide ribbon before sticking it in the vase so you couldn't see the Styrofoam.  It was just what was handy, but you could probably just leave it and fill the vase with confetti or marbles or sand, or candy or whatever you wanted to use to hide the Styrofoam later.  I skewered the cone with a couple of plant stakes that stuck out a few inches so I could push the ball on over the stakes to keep it in place.  Then I had to take it all apart and cut the cone down a bit more to make it fit just at the mouth of the vase where it looked right.  So you might want to test it all out first before poking those sticks into the foam.

I had the girls each take a diaper, roll it up tightly around the end of a stake and secure it in place with an elastic band.  Once that was done, they tied a pink ribbon around the roll. They did that until all the diapers were rolled up.  If you wanted to tie ribbons around the center of each and every diaper, I suppose the elastic wouldn't need to be clear.  But what we ended up doing with tying ribbon around about 2/3 of the diapers and leaving the rest with just the elastic for diversity... and laziness, I suppose.  

Then what you do is drive the non-diaper end of each stake into the foam ball, arranging them like a flower bouquet until you either use all the diapers and have to buy more (me) or fill up as much of the space as you want because you planned correctly (not me).

Once all the diaper stakes are in place, cut up some squares of crinoline, ribbon, stiff fabric, whathaveyou, roll them and push in between the diapers to fill in any spaces where you still see the Styrofoam or just where it looks like it needs it. Raid the ribbon box and poke some pieces of ribbon in there too for variety.

Slap on a bow.

Ta da:


Seriously, this is the coolest thing I've made in a very long time and it took us all of forty minutes.  Would have been less if it had just been me.  But no one needs to know that.  Shhh.

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My Dentist's Name is James Spalding

Posted on 2/28/2012 12:12:00 PM In:
I work on a multitude of special projects throughout the year, with a gaggle of different people. One such project bears, in part, the name of a certain sporting goods company (no relation) and while it's a really cool project, it sometimes causes undue sleep lost at night, especially for the project director and those of us who work closely on it.

Last Spring, I took to yelling "Wiiiillllll-sooooon!" throughout the office whenever something would come up that was particularly vexing. (Or just for the hell of it, really.) One day while printing out a report, I decided to also print a picture for the cover page. The coworker to whom I handed the report laughed and asked where I got it so I started showing her the 117,000 image hits that come up while searching for Wilson+castaway and some of my favorites. During this little time wasting process, I happened upon this page in the Amazon Marketplace and we both realized at once,

"Oh my gosh, you can BUY Wilson."

And then almost immediately,

"Oh my gosh, we NEED to buy Wilson!"

So within fifteen minutes, Wilson was purchased, paid for and on his way to the Project Director on the other side of the country with a note of love and support.

I ♥ the Internet.

Wilson was well-received, I must say, and has become the unofficial mascot for this project. And every so often, I get emails concerning Wilson's progress across the country.

It's like a Sally Struthers kid, only much more entertaining.




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Insect Pottery

Posted on 1/30/2012 08:26:00 AM In:

This funny little bug hut appeared on the brickwork in front of our house a couple of months ago.  I really wish I owned one of these right now, because I'd like to have a better picture of it. Every member of my family has tried to remove it at least once and I've slapped each of their hands back every time they go near it because I enjoy looking at it as I come through the front door.  It's smaller than a dime and after consulting my Resident Entymologist, Dr. Google, PhD, I learned that this is probably the work of the Sphecid Wasp, better known as a mud dauber. How did people know stuff before the internet?


Oh, that's right.

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Enough Said

Posted on 7/14/2011 11:01:00 AM In:
As a companion piece to my new years post, please allow me to present my SECOND favorite Dilbert cartoon of all time:

Dilbert.com
(you may have to click on it to embiggen; it's a bit small to read)

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My Favorite Comic Strip of All Time

Posted on 1/03/2011 06:13:00 AM In:
Almost ten years ago, I cut this strip out of the newspaper and put it on my fridge. It's been there since that day until a few days ago when I ripped it in half by accident. Fortunately, thanks to the interweb, I was able to find it again by doing a search of the words, "Dilbert" and "weasels." Oh, Google, you complete me.

It's a little optimistic for the first day back to work in the new year, but then I've always been kind of a Pollyanna.


Dilbert.com

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It's No Starburns, but...

Posted on 9/03/2010 09:13:00 AM In:
All I am, I owe to the interweb. And one of the things I am apparently, is a mom who does things to this to her kids' hair. I was never much interested in intricate hairstyles - my hair was never long enough to do anything with. And even though I went to girls' camp a couple of years in a row, I never got to be a very good hair-do-er. So it's nice when those who are so talented share their abilities with the world... and you get to become a demi-god in your child's eyes. I still don't really enjoy doing hair that much, but I know that there are precious few years left wherein she still thinks I'm cool and/or useful, so I'm gonna take what I can get.

The Dormouse love, Love, LOVES this particular hairstyle, because it has a three day morphing lifespan. Day one: the star and the buns. Day two: uncurl the buns and leave weird little corkscrew pony tails sticking out all over her head which she will then constantly bob her head around to make them dance for the next twenty-four hours. Day three: take the pony tails out and leave curls that "look just like Susan Kushner" from these books.

This particular hairstyle is here.

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And Somewhere...

Posted on 7/16/2010 08:01:00 PM In:
Isaac Newton is in his grave, smiling.


(There are so many awesome photos here, I can hardly stand it.)

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Goose!

Posted on 6/09/2010 04:05:00 PM In: ,

Here's an oldie but a goodie from the Hilarious Things My Husband Says file:

"Some words are just inherently funny. Take monkey. Now that's just a funny word. If you tell a joke with the word monkey in it - well, then you've got a funny joke. Chicken is funny too - but not as funny as monkey."

Based on that logic, may I present to you:

The Funniest Song Ever Written



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Bringing New Insight to That Tortoise & Hare Story

Posted on 4/04/2010 08:56:00 AM In:
My very favorite Easter post I ever did was this one... and I didn't even take that photograph. Here's another photograph I didn't take, but it's probably funny to a whole different group of people.

Happy Easter!


via

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Easter Coifs

Posted on 3/29/2010 08:05:00 PM In:
One of the downsides of having a girly girl and not having actually been a girly girl, is the attention one must to pay to hair. For two score and some odd years, I have been in search of the perfect hairstyle.

Random hair stylist: "How do you want your hair cut today?"

Me: "Well, I don't like it like how it is."

"Do you want bangs? Tapered? Layered? Razor cut?"

"Ummm...."

"Keep it short? Grow it out?"

"Well..."

"Straight? Wavy? Curly? Tousled?"

"..."

"Colored? Highlights?"


"Look, I don't really know what all those things mean. I just want to wake up in the morning and have it look decent without having to... you know... like... brush it and stuff."

Hairstylist stares at me blankly.

"Just cut it however you want."


The perfect hairstyle to me is the one which requires the least amount of effort and makes me look like Michelle Pfieffer. I haven't found it yet, but I'll let you know when I do because I'm holding onto hope that it exists. Yes, Virginia, there is a perfect haircut.

Since The Dormouse cut all her hair off to donate two years ago, she's decided that her hair is as much an accessory as the latest Monolo Blahniks and would rather be Rapunzel than have a cute, sassy, easy-to-maintain bob. Which means I have to step up my hair fixin' skilz.

Fortunately, I turned to the Interweb - much as I do for television and movie trivia, general definitions, spelling, marital advice, and healthcare - and found a blog that I now have tucked securely in my Google Reader called Cute Girl Hairstyles. This helps me keep up with the constant requests of "Momma, can you French braid my hair? But not a boring French braid. A cool French braid." (At six, she still doesn't really know the difference from a French braid and a regular old braid -- and I still haven't explained it to her.)

We don't have church on Easter Sunday this year due to a church wide conference so yesterday The Dormouse requested an "Easter Hairdo" to wear to church that would make all her friends drool with envy. Here's what we came up with:



which is really just an idea completely stolen from this post.

So if you're like me and need a little remedial hair advice, check out Mindy's blog. But be aware that if you have two girls at home and the younger one sees the older one's hairstyle, she will probably want it copied on her own head. And if the hair distribution is a bit unequal in your house, you may have to find an alternate way to accomplish that hairstyle on the other one's head.

I suggest this:



It won't last long, but it'll make her happy enough.


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Ameriknish is Not a Potato Dish

Posted on 3/26/2010 06:28:00 PM In:
I'm a big fan of kids' music but it has to be the right kids' music. There's nothing that annoys my delicate sensibilities more than music that is unimaginative or that talks down to kids. (I'm looking your direction, Barney.) I don't care if kids don't know the difference (and personally, I think they do), they deserve well-written music performed by actual performers with real talent and real instruments rather than just any old tone-deaf cutie-pie lip-sync-er that Disney can manufacture because the parents are exposure whores and marketing figures it can sell a lot of lunch boxes and pillowcases with their face plastered all over. Woops. Have I come down to hard on one side of that subject?

If you don't have kids, you might not care about this, but if you, like me, not only learned about Trout Fishing in America several years before you ever had kids, but you also spent many a lunch hour sitting around the conference table with your colleagues singing these songs, it just might be your thing.



My favorite of their songs is one called "18 Wheels on a Big Rig."

Recently we've been working on counting with The Caterpillar, who still thinks seventeen comes after nine. And, as someone pointed out on the FacePlace, while she's correct that seventeen technically does come after nine, I'd like for her to learn before she turns twenty that there are some numbers in between too.

I was trying to think of songs that could help teach her to count (because that's what I do - when something is wrong in the world, I look for a song) and I suddenly remembered the "18 Wheels on a Big Rig" song and went to iTunes to download it.

Aside: How wonderful is it that we live in a world where you can be sitting in your living room and say, "Hey, remember That Song I Don't Know the Name Of by That Group I Can't Remember? I always liked that song. I should get it." And then after less than two minutes of Google searching and iTunes downloading, you will not only find the name of the group AND the song, but also own it and be listening to it with your family without ever getting up out of your chair. If the Internet were a man, I would marry it. I could also marry it in D.C. if it were a woman. I ♥ U Internet!

So I've had this song on my iPod for about four days now and it is currently the single most requested song when we get in the car in the morning to go to school. Prior to this week it was "Late for School" from Steve Martin's new banjo album, The Crow, which is one of the most awesome things I've added to my life in the past year. See for yourself:



Wow, this post has more tangents than a... something that has... a really lot of tangents
.

"What's something that has a lot of tangents?" I ask The KingofHearts.

"A circle can have an infinite number of tangents," The KingofHearts tells me. "So does a sphere. Also an oval. And oval could also be an ellipse though. All it is is a line that touches the slope."

"I know what a tangent is. I'm just looking for a literary image."

"Oh, I thought you were doing a crossword puzzle or something. Maybe a math test. We haven't been downtown to The Ellipse in awhile, have we?" *


Wow, this post has more tangents than a conversation with The KingofHearts.

Anyway, I looked all over to find a video of Trout Fishing... performing "18 Wheels on a Big Rig," but this is the closest I could come. Here's what they would look like if they were cartoon characters:




So as we were driving home today and The Dormouse requested "That Funny Song That's Not the Late For School Song" once again, we sang along. Our favorite part is the part where we try to sing along with "eye, eye eye, eye eye eye, eye vee, vee, vee eye..." and totally mess it up when it gets to the exes.

After the song was over, The Dormouse sighed, "Ooooh, I just LOVE that part."


Me: "Do you know what Roman numerals are?"

"Yes! Of course I do! I looOoove them!"

"You love Roman numerals?"

"Of COURSE I do. Roman noodles are my favorite!"

"I think you're thinking of Ramen Noodles. This is RO-man NU-merals."

"Oh."

"It's how they used to count a long time ago in Rome."

"Right. Numbers in Rome. Like if you were speaking Rome-ish."

"Pretty much."


*This may or may not be an actual, unembellished conversation, but I've had enough of them with him that go So. Exactly. This. Way. that I feel I can misrepresent it slightly for entertainment value.


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How Fairy Tales Really End

Posted on 3/19/2010 01:15:00 PM In:
Couldn't resist sharing. You know my issues with fairy tales.

Cinderella:


Snow White:


Red Riding Hood:


Sleeping Beauty:


Jasmine from Aladdin:


Belle from Beauty and the Beast:


Arielle from The Little Mermaid:



Thanks to Monica for the forward.

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Toddler Diet

Posted on 3/16/2010 03:11:00 AM In:
Full disclosure: I did not write this. It just seems apropos, given yesterday's post.

The Toddler Diet

Day One
  • Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat two bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take one bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.
  • Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (three sips only, then spill the rest).
  • Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, four sips of flat Pepsi.
  • Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.

Day Two
  • Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.
  • Lunch: Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.
  • Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug.
  • Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon.

Day Three
  • Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair.
  • Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up
  • Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible.

Final Day
  • Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.
  • Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it.
  • Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.

Start over with day one.

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Words Fail

Posted on 3/04/2010 07:50:00 PM In:
My inner monologue seems to have taken a vacation recently. Until it comes back, I'll let the interweb fill in where I leave off because this is just incredible.

Note: You might want to watch this in the feed reader or in pop out; this video is being rather stubborn when I try to resize it and it's worth the extra click to see the entire frame.


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Can't Have Everything

Posted on 1/02/2010 07:55:00 AM In:
On a recent phone call with my mother (who really shouldn't be surprised this is showing up on the blog):

Her: "You know The KoH really is a good guy. You really found one of the good ones.... except he leaves his shoes on the floor and he pees too loudly."

Maybe you can get him one of these for next Christmas, mother.

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Glottal Opera

Posted on 11/07/2009 06:17:00 AM In:
I just can't figure out how they were able to sing while having a scope run down their throats.


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The Parrot Who Shagged Me

Posted on 10/02/2009 11:00:00 PM In:


I've always been a little bit in love with Stephen Fry, but his reaction here seals the deal. He is now on my list.

Transcript:
Fry: It ought to be impossible to describe a creature as looking old fashioned, but that’s exactly how Sirocco looks with his big sideburns and his Victorian gentleman’s face.

Mark: It’s actually nice just seeing him wandering around in the forest isn’t it?

Fry: He’s got very good camouflage.


Fry: A typical male, Sirocco is clearly only interested in one thing.

(bird jumps up on Mark's shoulders)

Fry: Oh, look at that.

Mark: Ow. God, he’s got sharp claws.

Fry: He’s getting a bit frisky. Do you think he’s actually attempting a sort of mating ritual? He is!

Mark: Ow, ow. Oh that’s sharp.

Fry: But look, he’s so happy! (laughs) This is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. (to Mark) You are being shagged by a rare parrot. (laughs) He thinks you’re… (giggles)

Mark: Ow.

Fry: He’s really going for it.

Mark: Ow. Ow.

Fry: Wow, you’ve chosen him…. Is it… actually, you’re in pain…

Mark: That’s right.

Fry: I’m here. (gets up to help) Oooo his neck is cut.

Mark: He’s fine but it’s really sharp claws.

Fry: That hurt.

Mark: Yes. It did hurt.

Fry: Yeah you’ve got blood there and blood there and blood there and he actually cut you up to be honest. That’s not good. But I want you to call when you have the chick. I want you to call him "Stephen" for me.

Mark: I’m not sure how to take that.

Fry: Do you think an egg would come out of your mouth?

Fry: Ladies and gentlemen you’ve seen a television first. You’ve seen Mark Carwardine, who’s devoted his life to conserving animals, actually taking an active part in the conservation and breeding of a whole new generation… of a whole new species. Uh… Homokakapeds… uh… he’s going to give birth (laughs) to a little kakapo. (laughs) We’re very proud of you.

Mark: Do it up again?

Fry: I think I’ll pass.

Bird: squawk

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Happy Little Trees and Almighty Mountains

Posted on 9/28/2009 10:00:00 AM In:
I don't know how many of you even know who this is, but as a teenager on Saturday mornings, I used to turn on PBS and watch The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross. I never knew very much about Bob, but personally, I liked to believe he was a burnt out ex-druggie who was there at Woodstock, protested the war in Washington, got arrested at the Democratic National Convention in '67, hung out on the corner of Haight and Ashbury during the Summer of Love, and sat at the Human Be-In -- sort of the Forest Gump of the hippie generation.

As it turns out Bob retired from the Air Force as a medical records technician. (What did we do without the Internet? How did we know anything at all?)

Having held military positions that required him to be, in his own words, "mean" and "tough," "the guy who makes you scrub the latrine, the guy who makes you make your bed, the guy who screams at you for being late to work," Ross decided that if he ever moved on from the military, "it wasn't going to be that way any more," and "vowing never to scream again."


Bob's soft voice "Dab... dab... dab... let's just tap a little color in there," his positive affirmations "even a little tree needs a friend," stories about his pet squirrel Peapod, and the constant reminder that "in your world, there are no mistakes, you can create anything you want," had the ability to immediately relax me and make me believe that if I picked up a brush, I too could paint like that.... even though I'd never tried or been interested in oil painting in my life. If you have been prescribed beta-blockers for your high blood pressure and can't afford it, try watching Bob Ross. I swear it works better than any pill.

There are a ton of Bob Ross parodies on the interweb; all of them funny (well, not all of them). But this is my favorite because it's more of a tribute to him than a spoof. So I will share it with you.

A tribute to Bob Ross



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Stolen Ideas

Posted on 9/13/2009 08:04:00 AM In:
I think about doing this every time I see a flock of birds sitting on telephone wires but have always been too lazy to follow through.

Birds on the Wires from Jarbas Agnelli on Vimeo.



I'm glad there are people out there more zealous than me.

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Something You CAN Do With Leggos

Posted on 8/24/2009 10:00:00 AM In:

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Me in 3 Seconds

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Washington, D.C. Metro, United States
Married, 40ish mom of two (or three, or four, depending on how you keep score) who stepped through the lookinglass and now finds herself living in curiouser and curiouser lands of Marriage, Motherhood, and the Washington, D.C. Metro Area.

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